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Posted by on 2017/09/16 under Life

Hi reader,
this writing is going to be about between university and me.
I am an asian, if something is wrong or grammar isn't correct, please forgive me.

I'll start with we all three of us, my sister, my sister's husband who had big structure and gout, and me, worked so hard for buying a house, get life into better situation or place, or whatever that brings us to better life.

on Dad's Day in U.S., his two kids, and we went to an Irish restaurant in Cape Cod to celebrate. It was fun, everything was fine. His two kid were fine, my sister and I were okay. But my sister's husband walked with his disease, gout. After we were done and comeback to home. I left "that house" to work

we lived with a person that my sister and I knew her, we respected her as a cousin. But we made wrong decision that we rented her house because we thought she'll give the lowest for us so we can build my brother-in-law's credit to buy a house.

After I got in the house, I saw they sat face to each other. It was square dining table. Then I joined them. And we have some talk. On that day, my brother in law just got a new iphone cases. I stared at it and said "it looks cool and luxury." and looked into his eyes. By the way, He was a quick response and he liked to joke. But after I finished my words, no word come out of his mouth, no smile, or any reaction. His eyes were black about thirty second, may be longer than that. Until my sister went toward him, groped his left shoulder to right shoulder then grabbed his phone, he just responded. At that time, my sister and I didn't think that there was something wrong. we ignored it. It was a bad Behavior that we didn't take care of each other well enough.

2 hours later, my sister went up from basement for taking a bath. My brother in law followed to do something. My sister stopped at my room first. I guessed my brother in law was washing something. A second after, my sister and I heard something fall on the floor. Both of us went out side my room and went to ask him that what he dropped on the floor, but only silent. and my sister saw he laid down on the floor. We walked to him and tried to wake his up. His eyes were close and rolled up and he made the noise like "errr."I called 911 while my sister called his name for five to six minutes. He was back. He sat so quickly and asked "what happen? what are you doing? what's wrong?" My sister told him that he fell on the floor. He sat there for five minutes and talked to the police that he was okay now. He stood up quickly again and went to bathroom. and he fall on the floor again with his face faced down to the floor. He convulsed and we woke him up. I called 911 again. And the emergency was coming. My sister broguht him to sat on the flush toilet. He woke and he was gone sometime. He couldn't even sit by himself. He pooped, but he didn't know about it. Now he was scare that he was going to die. The emergency took forever. It was longer than 15 minutes to arrive. There were four people walked into hose. One old man ask about his information with my sister. one of another two that walked in the restroom asked him about his name, his birthday even my brother in law said "I can't breath." another guy brought the wheelchair for him. They didn't put the oxygen mask or do the CPR. They just stick some thing that connected to a little machine on his body. And they moved my brother in law to the wheelchair. It took too long time to bring him out of the house. The guy that talked with my sister went out the house.
He asked "Do you wanna go to hospital to see him?"
my sister replied "yes and where are you taking him?"
We knew where we suppose to go. We waited them to go out and follow them, but again, it took like fifteen minutes to drive out the house.
We decided to go to hospital first. We arrived at the hospital before them around twenty minutes. I didn't know why it took many minutes to hospital.
We asked the front desk that "when the ambulance arrive?"
The lady said "I didn't know. we haven't gotten any signal from them yet"
We asked them two times.
after the ambulance arrived, my brother in law was sent to the ER room.
It was a bad time. We waited for three or four hours, the doctor came out from ER room and mentioned that he was with us anymore….
I don't even what I felt at that time. Even he was not my lover, but he took care of my sister and me very well. I loved him as my brother. He was a great guy. He was a master at mason or whatever.

everything fall in silent. We came inside a room. We saw a body. We couldn't believe this is true. We lost him.
My sister didn't go to work for two months because she couldn't handle what was happened.

Everything is out of my mind. I didn't think this is going to happen before. I didn't even think about it. He was so strong.

And it cause me to this issues….

I succeed to transfer to MCPHS to study radiography program. Everything was getting better. Until the bill from school start notice me the deadline of the bill. It was 18 grand and something. I thought about the tuition before like how we can afford the tuition. My sister forced me to study here and I like here, too. Now, we can't pay the tuition even there is a plane of payment. We don't want to get student loan also. My sister wants to buy a house. She scared my student loan would effect her score. So, I have no choice besides study at public school or Community college. I don't mind that I graduate from what college. But the college that I think I can afford the tuition doesn't have radiography program, they have Radiologic technician. It sucks. It's not what I really expect. I wanna cry so badly but I cant. I need push myself, motivate myself to different situation. I can't study at MCPHS anymore. I don't have money. Only thing is money. Everything is money. I hate money but I need money.

I know that I shouldn't ask why this happens to me? why only me?
To be honestly, I just lied to myself, I know the reason this happens to me. I can't accept it. My dream was collapse…

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