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Posted by on 2012/03/04 under Uncategorized

Is it love that I feel towards her? Is it just an illusion, a fantasy, an idea that I’m in love with? I don’t think it’s HER I’m attracted to, even if she was… is… the objective, so to speak. Am I in love with the idea of being in love with her? Then why when I’m aware of this… why isn’t it going away? I need it to go away, it’s been haunting me for years and there is no way that it’ll ever happen. It can’t work. It’s impossible. It DIDN’T work. She was my best friend! Did I hope to be her salvation when she wished for someone to be close to? It cost us our friendship…
It all went to hell when the kitten she was trying to keep alive died. Suddenly she enrolled in a school without telling me and went abroad. It’s been nearly a year. I’ve seen her from afar… once… since Christmas. I miss her so much. I think of her every day. But if I’m completely honest to myself, it’s better this way…

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