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Posted by on 2012/02/13 under Uncategorized

This morning, I couldn’t pull myself out of my bed. My tears kept crashing around me, splashing my pillow with salty sadness. I turned over, gripping my my stuffed grizzly tightly. He gave me that grizzly. It was my birthday. That’s when he still loved me. He would jump in front of a train for me. Now, I lay here, blasting music through my earbuds, asking over and over just like everyday, “…Why?”
After hours of trying to escape reality, I finally forced myself to get up. Still holding my grizzly, I stood up, a little wobbly. I took a glance in the mirror. Was that really me? I was so pale, my eyes so obviously sad. I pictured him behind me, holding onto my waist, resting his chin on my head like he always would.
5:00pm. It took that long to get out of bed and down the stairs. I didn’t even feel like eating. I made the biggest mistake by calling him up and asking questions I didn’t want to know the answers to. I always do that to myself. Another stream of tears came as I hung up the phone. I felt my heart struggle to keep beating.
Now I sit here, typing to whoever will even take the time to read this, because he isn’t there to understand me anymore; but neither will any of you. You could walk a mile in my shoes; no, a million miles, even, and you still couldn’t come close to understanding. This love was really something. But this hurt is enough to kill. For some reason, I’m still alive.

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