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Posted by on 2012/02/12 under Uncategorized

Here I am… wishing I had someone else’s life, hoping, waiting for something to change. For something unexpected to happen. For someone to come into my life and finally make me feel something. I could really care less what I feel as long as I FEEL something. I just wish I didn’t feel like I’m trapped in my own house. I wish I could finally feel free one day. I wish my mom didn’t make such a big deal about stupid s*** that doesn’t matter. I know she doesn’t want me to get hurt, but has she ever taken a look at me and realized that it’s hurting me more than anyone else has ever made me suffer? Maybe I’m just being dramatic maybe I’m just being ungrateful, I don’t care… It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing does. I just hope one day she realizes that some day I will grow up, go to college, move away, and hopefully live a successful life. I’m so tired of this…

I’m so tired of pretending that I’m okay. I haven’t really cried in a while until today, and it feels horrible. I feel like I constantly have to hide my true feelings because nobody else knows enough about me to know what I’m really feeling. I feel like so self-conscious about what other people think about me lately that I can’t even post a Facebook status on my opinion about something without reading over it 1000 times just to make sure it’s what everyone expects the fake “me” to say… You wanna know the funny part? I’m usually the type of person who says she doesn’t give a f*** about what others say or think about her, but in reality I really DO care. I’ve always tried to lie to myself about that until now.

There are so many times when I wish there was someone there for me. Someone who actually cares. Someone who won’t make me a promise and break it when things didn’t go their way. Someone who didn’t talk behind my back, and when I found out they apologized but they don’t admit everything they said about me… Someone who would be willing to be honest with me even if it hurts. Someone who won’t sugarcoat every word that comes out of their mouth just to spare my feelings. Someone who will say it like it is…

Too bad there’s very few people on Earth who would actually do that, haha.

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