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Posted by on 2011/04/06 under Uncategorized

…like spilling my guts. Writing to strangers and hearing their thoughts, because no one I’ve talked to all ready has any good explanations for me.

The thing is – there’s this boy. There always is.

His name… we’ll say Nick. And mine.. Natalie.

But here is how the story goes. We met, became friends, then dated for 3 only 3 months.
The relationship was fun – but I knew it was going no where.
So when HE decided to break up with me, the whole ordeal turned into a mutual agreement.

His excuse for breaking up with me, “We are both too busy to be in a relationship right now. We deserve a relationship that is a priority – and not a hassle.”

Which by the way, is bull s***.
I know there is another reason he broke up with me – but I’m not sure what it was.

But whatever. Like I said – I was pretty ok with the break up. Sure I was sad for a little while, but honestly – I am ok. He was the first guy to ever break up with me, and I have been so proud about how I’ve handled things.

He is the one who’s been an a******.
We have a ton of mutual friends – and whenever we run into each other, he refuses to make eye contact. And he acts as if we are total strangers. This pissed me off in the beginning, but now I am over it really.

This was all back in October. So its been a while right?
I’ve been happy, I’m seeing someone new. And he officially has a new girlfriend.
I’m totally ok with this too. Promise! I saw it coming, and although I’m not going to go congratulate them or anything. I hope she can make him happy in the ways that I couldn’t. I knew he wasn’t the happiest with me – and I still care about him. So I want him to be happy.

The thing that kills me though…
Something I found out last weekend.

I was talking to a girl, whom is dating one of his frat brothers. She knows that Nick and I know each other -but doesn’t know we dated. So we were talking about the guys in the frat, blah blah blah…

when she of course starts talking about Nick and the new Girlfriend.

“All the guys are so happy that he is finally moving on, apparently Nick was really heartbroken after his last girlfriend. You know how Nick is, he doesn’t really confined in anyone, but the Jack would tell me about how he and the others were really worried about Nick for a while. I don’t know what happened between him and the last girl, but he as in a real bad slump for a while.”

She said something along those lines at least.

So my reaction is this… “Um… EXCUSE ME? WTF?!?”

My mind is blown, and I’m completely caught off guard here.
I mean seriously!! What the hell?!?

I broke YOUR heart? You broke up with me damnit!
I told you I didn’t want to break up, but that I understood where you were coming from – so I let you go. I’m the kind of girl, who knows that I am.. well a catch. So if I guy doesn’t want me – well hey. His loss. So I wasn’t about to beg for you to have me.

When we talked later, I told you I missed you. I told you I didn’t really miss the relationship, but I missed our friendship – and wished we had never started dating.

If you were so “heartbroken”
Why didn’t you say something?

What the hell?

I don’t even know why I’m getting so worked up about all of this.
I know my reaction is probably just because I don’t like to be the cause of other people’s pain.

I just don’t know what to do now.

Part of me feels like I’m in the middle of a chick flick. and that this is the part of the movie, where I run over to your house, in the pouring rain and bang on your front door. Then when you open and see my soaked self, I ask ” Is it true?”

God I’m so confused. I don’t even know why i care! I swear I am over you. I have no desire to date you again. We really weren’t good for one another.

You made me feel so insecure… and I am normally the most self confident girl on the planet. You made me feel like everything I did was wrong, and like I was a bother to you. You never let me in, and laughed at my attempts to get to know you better. You never once called me beautiful, or complimented me at all for that matter. I told you almost all of my deepest secrets, and you laughed at a few of them. i told you my biggest fear, was for someone to tell me, I wasn’t worth putting up with, you promised me I was totally worth it – and then left me three days later.

I never cried over you when we broke up. Never shed one tear – until last weekend, when I heard I’d broken your heart.

I’m dying to know the truth. Because right now I am just so confused.

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