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Posted by on 2012/02/08 under Uncategorized

Too many thoughts going on in my head right now. I can’t think straight.
Today’s been a bad day. So many things have happened. But through it all, I only seem to think about you.

It’s been two months since I’ve last seen or heard from you. Whenever you pop up in my mind, I feel a range of emotions. Desire, hate, anger, bitterness, guilt, longing. I’m not sure how to feel about you.

Every couple has their story. Ours is a complicated one. In fact, we were never really a couple. To be exact, we were Friends With Benefits. You started off as my best friend, and then, by a chain of events, it turned into something more. You were the first guy I was intimate with. There, I said it. We had sex. And I’m not sure how to feel about it. I always thought I would wait until marriage but I guess it didn’t work out that way. I can’t believe I’m announcing all of this to the world right now. It feels so good to finally confess it.

And do you want to know the whole, honest truth? I enjoyed it. I felt guilty, but I loved it at the same time. It felt so good to be held and kissed…

But now you haven’t talked to me for two months. You won’t answer my calls or texts. I am so confused.

WHY? Why are you ignoring me? All I want to know is why. It is this question that drives me crazy, distracting me from my daily routine, keeping me pining for you. Did you only want to get into my pants and never talk to me again after you got what you wanted? I’m so, so confused.
Did our friendship never mean anything? WHY?

I miss the sex we had. How you would kiss me down my neck and move your hands over my body. How you would moan slightly and whisper things in my ear. I thought all of that was real. But I don’t know what to think anymore. I want to hear your voice, to see you, to talk to you about trivial, irrelevant things because simply talking to you made me so, so happy. You were my best friend.

Yet, I feel so much guilt. I shouldn’t have had sex with you. I wanted to stay innocent and pure until marriage, but I guess in this world that’s not possible anymore. And I regret giving you so much of me.

How long will you continue to ignore me? Forever? I guess if you want it to be that way then I can’t do anything else but accept it. I just want to know the reason why. Is it something I did? Or is it because you just didn’t want things to go any further? See, that’s the tricky thing about Friends With Benefits. You either eventually go back to being friends or cut off contact from each other forever. I guess you chose the second option.

I miss you like crazy, you have no idea. I’ve never missed a person like this so much before. Maybe it’s better like this. Both of us should go on with our own separate lives. I hope you live a good life and achieve everything you ever wanted. I hope you’ll always be happy.

Thank you so much for being the best friend that you were. It was truly fun while it lasted. I’ll always miss your advice and how you were there for me when I was sad. You gave the best advice and I’ve learned many life lessons from you. You were such a great friend and I am truly happy to have known you. I’ll never forget you. You were an important person in my life. I know I’ll probably never see you again, but I’m okay with that now. It’s for the best. I miss you. But I have to let you go so I can move on with my life.

So, this is it. I’m going to let you go now. I hope you live life to the fullest.

Goodbye.

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