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Posted by on 2012/01/27 under Uncategorized

You ever just wanted to be accepted for who you were. There is two sides to me, One said a bit naturally is all happy and bubbly. The other is screaming out and raging a inner war with myself. Throughout my life everything I ever did was on spotlight. Everyone in the family knew my business. The reason was my mother. She is controlling and a gossiper. If isn’t her way then it is no way at all. Since I was little she been telling me, it is her house, her rules. When you move out you can do whatever you like but until then you live under my rules. I don’t like kids. She doesn’t want to talk to us, or spend time with us. I can do all the good in the world and she will only remember the bad. Sure she will congratulate you but she will make you feel like a speck of dust in a minute. My dad is no help since he only agrees with her. I believe mostly that I just want someone to talk to… I am not allowed to hang out with friends with the exception of one. Everybody else gets how come I don’t know them or if you were driving then you can go. But that’s just meaningless. Even if I had a license to drive you wouldn’t let me drive because it would be about who pays for the gas. Everything I say they take to literal, I could be joking with them. For the past years everything with them has been about money. I know that we aren’t as wealthy and is only getting one pay check. I don’t like asking for things because I already know the answer. I am not allowed to do anything( Date,hangout, go places) because they don’t want me to. It has caused many relationship problems with me. I am honest most of the time. They want me to be able to talk to them..but I don’t want to talk to the same people who make me feel miserable and threatened. I guess it doesn’t matter because the other day I was told what I think doesn’t matter in this house. I want out, I want peace, I want to feel happy all the time not just part of the time.

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