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Posted by on 2012/06/04 under Uncategorized

Damn…I don’t even know what I’m doing here. Will anyone ever even read this? Does it matter? I found this place by chance, it seemed like a nice and safe place to just, say what I want without being judged. This is my first time doing anything like this, so here goes: I’m tired. Tired of everyone having high expectations of me. I have good grades in school, everyone around me tells me that I’m going places, that I’m going to do something good with my life. I smile at them and tell them thanks… I feel pressured and alone. Pressured because of everyone’s expectations. Alone because no one knows how i really feel. You know, my parents don’t say ‘I love you.’ I don’t either. The last time I heard those words was when my dad told me one night. I cried. More than anything, i just want someone to hold me, to hug me tight and let me cry, for someone to tell me that every thing is all right. i know that i have nothing to complain about my life, but i hate feeling like this. Alone and pressured. my grades lowered. i now have five b’s and one a. I failed all my semester tests except one. I can’t bear to tell my parents, they’ed be disappointed. but why do i care what they think? I don’t know. I know a lot of people say this but, they don’t know me. i was once crying right behind them in the car. They didn’t notice. Why? Am i that invisible? i know i can be quite, but why cant anybody notice how i feel? Why isn’t there anyone who can see through my fake smiles?! Why doesn’t any bother to try?! I want to stop caring for others, i want to stop being the responsible one, to have someone else take care of me instead of me having to do it. I want to leave and get away, but i’m afraid to stay too long. I feel better now. But know, more than ever, I wish there was someone, anyone, that i could count on. I think I’ll continue writing here, I could use a place to vent.

One thought on “Damn…I don’t even know what I’m doing here….

  1. Anonymous says:

    hey. I know how you feel. I used to feel that way and sometimes I still do. I’m always the strong one, the person who knows what to do and my friends and family go to me when they need someone and sometimes I just feel like no one’s there to listen, to help me when i’m weak, or to hold me when I feel like crying. I can be there for people but no one is ever there for me but I’ve realized that there are and there will always be someone who will understand. give it a shot. you have to talk to people and let them be there for you. It may be hard for them to see that you’re suffering or you’re miserable because they’re so used to you being the responsible one or the person who’s got his/her life planned out. about school, grades are just grades. take a break. maybe you just need to cool off or something. you used to have A’s and I still think you can. you can do it. good luck.

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