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Posted by on 2012/01/23 under Uncategorized

i posted my sofa up for sale this week end. i love this sofa, its a vintage-retro sofa that is salmon colored and has a tufted back board, she ugly and different yet beautifully right. most of all her and i have a history. this is so dumb to be upet about when other poeple have real problems. i just moved in with my boyfriend it all happened really fast, like really fast. i left an apt that i had decorated just how i liked it. i felt like myself in those walls and protected, i felt like i could explore myself there. i felt like when people walked in they new that i lived there because that was my home. it was so bright and colorful, i painted it that way because i moved into that apt by myself because i was knocked up and no one wanted to live with me. when ever i was feeling really sad or frustrated i would paint on the walls, it helped me remember the next time i was sad that its ok. the color helped me feel a live even though i felt so numb. when i met my boyfriend i thought that he was just like any young man when it came to decorating, there was nothing on the walls and everything was brown. so when we moved in together i figured that i would get to decorate again. no it turns out he likes everything to be brown and really doesnt want to change anything. he told me flat out that im not alowed to draw on the walls, and that we can’t paint. he says to me you can decorate however you want just don’t change the bedroom, don’t touch my tv area or change the table. plus hes got a large dj system in the front room that his dad gave him, i don’t want him to sell it because it means something to him, but it also takes up the whole living room. i have all these boxes that i can’t unpack because he accidentlly broke ALL my bookcases. and even if i had bookcases id have no where to put it because the front has the dj system. so i find myself tucking away my decorations, leaving my stuff in boxes because i feel guilty if i put them out, like im breaking the rules by expressing myself. i feel like im keeping myself in boxes in a very strong way. like im tucking away parts of my that he may not like as much. its stupid, but he wants me to watch football, i could care less about football, but for him i learned about it and pay attention to it. but i put on glee and he got pissy and went to sleep. its a double standerd and im living it. why doesnt he sale his sofa? way am i making all the changes? i feel like i amd living in someone elses house. i don’t want it to be wholy mine and look like it did before, i just want it to be something that we both agree on and are both happy about. i love him so much but i don’t like feeling this way. something has got to give.

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