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Posted by on 2012/01/21 under Uncategorized

You ever get that feeling where you have so much happening in your head, but it’s impossible to put into words? You get confused, annoyed with yourself, you feel so sad but you don’t know exactly why. Yes i’m here, and your far away, with all the other people i miss and love. But what is so bad about here? School is fine, the people are lovely, the city is amazing. So why does it feel so much effort to go out with them. Why do i get that tight feeling in my chest, that feeling that i just want to hide under the covers forever and live in my head?
I feel constantly tired, like every movement and every word sucks a bit more life out of me, i just don’t know what to do, is it too late to come back home? Everyone will have changed, moved on, made new friends. You will have moved on, wouldn’t you? I think so, but maybe i’m wrong. Maybe you think about me as much as i think about you.
Everyone keeps telling me to think about the future, and i am trying desperately not to plan it around you, but i just keep thinking ‘if i go back home for a year maybe you’ll still be there, waiting for me’
We never speak anymore. Maybe i should speak to you, clear the air, pretend that i just want to be friends cause we know ‘long distance’ never would have worked. Because surely having you in my life somehow is better than not at all? I’ve tried forgetting, but turns out it’s more difficult than i thought, more difficult than learning this whole new language.

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