Posted by ChloeB on 2014/08/11 under Uncategorized The future is what scares me. Well I wouldn’t call it scared but very overwhelming, I hate the feeling of not knowing. With this subject I go into my love life. My boyfriend is an amazing person and has a lot going for him. I’m very lucky that he even puts up with me most of the time but then again idk if he even really knows how f***ed up I am I’m the head. When you love someone a lot you put their happiness before yours. At the same time I’ve dealt with being second best all my life and it feels like I still am. It’s fair though, sports was there way before I got into the picture so yeah. But I don’t think he understands the extent of my love for him he says he does but I just don’t think he does. I mean honestly he’s the reason why I’m continuing to push, I feel like if it wasn’t for him I would have tried to kill myself a long time ago. He seems to be that light at the end of the tunnel for me but still. I just think that no one truly understands me, they say they do but they don’t. I can say that these are my worst battles, the ones I have everyday with myself. I pray and a lot of things have gotten better compared to how they used to be but at the same time a different demon just replaced the old one. I feel mentally worn out. Idk, I have no clue as to what is wrong with me. I don’t know why I have to find solace in other pple and I can’t find it in myself. I don’t know why I have my unjustifiable fits of emotion. It’s just the way I seem to be programmed but I’m trying to fix it, I really am. Trying to fix my mind and my attitude is tough but you can only try for so long before breaking.