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Posted by on 2014/08/11 under Uncategorized

this is it. one more year closer to graduation, this is gunna be my sophomore year.. so many mixed emotions, I’m scared in both good and bad ways. having anxiety is horrible but great at the same time. I’m scared because i feel slow, i don’t wanna feel intimidated when it comes to school subjects. I’m honestly really scared to fail. its the last thing i wanna do but the first thing that comes to my mind. every year its the same, where at the end of summer i tell myself “this year will be different. no making myself throw up, control anxiety, and confident.” but every year i tell myself that and the exact opposite happens. i mean ok, yes I’m confident at times but at other times i just feel hopeless. maybe since all of me is reacting opposite to what i tell myself to do i need to say something else. i need to accept. accept that its okay to feel anxious and its okay to not feel confident exactly every second in life. i need to make it clear that I’m human. humans aren’t perfect inside nor outside, you gotta give yourself a chance. A chance to mess up and learn from it. a chance to feel horrible with your life, so when you move from that time of your life to a happy place, you feel the joy run through your veins, being depressed and then feeing what joy feels like it makes it such a even better feeling. I’m not saying go and get depressed but in the life I’ve lived not being depressed for at least short time of period in your life is kind of impossible. and i know this is about school. but it all relates back to school, only because lets be honest grades and subjects make it depressing in a way because we stress so damn much. i get that its probably nothing compared to adults with bills and struggling. but try doing what i do.. put yourself in everyones shoes. think about every side of a situation. its hard and theres always good and bad parts about a situation. in this case school. school gives me anxiety, and it sucks, because i wanna succeed but its so hard waking up every morning throwing up because of anxiety or making myself throw up because i think I’m going to have anxiety later on. it sucks, i can write more but I’m stopping here, thank you to whomever takes the time to read how i feel.

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