Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2014/08/06 under Uncategorized

So i know i was too young and naive when our relationship started, but we had been together for 4 whole years. We Have come to know each other quiet well by now but there always were complications…. smaller or bigger issues. Things like lack of small acts of love and communication gap. At the beginning we had a lot of problem knowing and understanding each other well. And on top I was covered head to toe with problems and issues. Having strict and overly controlling parents i was help less and i had let his heart down a lot of times on stuffs like cancelling dates, not attending get-togethers, not being able to call everyday etc etc… so gradually it made him feel like i had no time for him and he begun to think that he dint matter much to me. But the reality was my helpless ness… my parents never liked him. they always wanted us separated at any cost. In spite of the heartbreaks i had knowingly or unknowingly caused him, he always loved me dearly.. we even had a year long separation from each other as he had to move away with out notice. we didnt even had any means to contact but yet we cam back together as soon as he came back and we got in touch
anyway he had always been a sweetheart to me. i could feel that guy’s love actually pouring on me. He always did his best to keep me happy. but yet there was a problemn with him… and it was his addiction to drinking and smoking. He behaved pretty bad to be while he was high but yet later on he left all those stuffs and started to live a sober life. But as i said we always had complications. and my family problems never did any good to our relationship and slowly his love for me…atleast the way he showed it started to erode away.. he stopped showing as if he didnt care. he even took back his habit of smoking and drinking. so even that way, sometimes when things went real smooth he would loosen up his tight attitude and we would have a great time. Considering all the heart aches i had caused him i thought of myself to be guilty. i swallowed my pride and bowed in front of him. i apologized and i did my best to make up for every pain i had caused him. everyday i would hope for him to let go of pains and strings from the past, forgive me and get back to being the real sweet himself he used to be. although he hurt me a lot of times i would bury it inside and never say a word. but even though after a long time passed like that, he never got enough of my apologizes and he never stopped behaving rude. recently we got into an small, ordinary fight but as a result of both of our anger and pain we broke up. after 4 years… i know it sounds boring and complicated and that-was-already-too-much type… but i m still in love with him.. i had never thought of time without him. he was there in my ever dream , in my every plans… but now its all gone and its really a hard pill for me to swallow.. i have been missing his presence each and every day, each and every moment… and mention not that awful feeling i get every morning when i wake up and realize he is no more around.. this really is..a grand…grand heart ache i am suffering from.

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