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Posted by on 2014/08/06 under Uncategorized

I really don’t want to be drowned by the negatives. I tend to only see the negatives in every situation. I try my very best to not forget about the positives. But it’s so difficult. Very often, I scold myself in my heart about my shortcomings. But I never look at my strengths. Part of the reasons is a deep-rooted fear. I don’t know why but it seems every time I am truly happy about something, I lose it quickly. The situation quickly turns bad. In order not to be hurt, I must not feel happy about anything. It feels like a curse. I don’t know how to overcome this. It’s like subconsciously I am forcing myself to be unhappy. Gradually I feel so very tired. And things don’t seem to matter. But I don’t want to live on like this. I want to find my original passion for doing good things, for increasing quality. I don’t want to just get by and let meaningful feelings slip away. This is the kind of situation when it is not serious enough to ask for help, but you feel that it’s slowly draining your passion and life energy away. My thoughts and feelings are becoming so messy even I myself don’t want to start untangling them. Let alone other people. These days, I tried to talk to some friends about these but I feel so sorry and guilty for making them hear rubbish like this. And if I keep on talking like this, soon I will have no friend. I don’t know how to drop the emotional burden, so days would not become constant struggles.

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