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Posted by on 2014/08/05 under Uncategorized

so lets forget everything that happened last year. lets forget even the whole start of the year. lets focus on the past month and a half.

as i write this now i forget why i even started. why this even came to mind. HORMONES. damn am i dealing with them. this is expressive writing. i need to put everything down on paper… well.. you know what i mean, so i can process it. or at least TRY to.

okay so about a little under a month and a half ago i broke up with this boy, we were dating for 7 months. wasn’t working. a week before i eventually broke up with him after gaining an ounce of courage , hes a delicate soul, i met his group of friends,yes after 7 months.
i fell for his friends, friend , and that finally made me realise that perhaps it was time to call it quits, if i can feel feelings for another person then, we should be DONE. ok before i go any further i shall give off some names

Daniel : the boy i broke up with
Michael : the one i fell for
Liam : the friend of Michael.
John : friend of Daniel , Michael and Liam
Alex : MY friend
Ryan : Alex’s friend
(may add more later)

SO i met Liam,John, and Michael at the party Daniel took me to. There as the night went on , i fell more and more for Michael. Daniel and Liam had crashed out , so it left me John and Michael. every time i looked at Michael my heart would jump , i would sweat… we flirted by giving each other foot massages. yes. foot massages… ugh…


broke up with daniel. spent more time with his friends group without him. kinda stole his friends. had more parties. flirted with Michael. kissed Michael. went on a date with Michael. spoke to Michael A LOT. went to his grans house after a party. we flirted. convinced sex was on the cards. he was nervous. didn’t happen. spoke to Michael more. Michael started getting distant. i cried. i waited. i tried. he was cold toward me. went to a party. cried. cuddled up with Liam. had sex with Liam. FEELINGS EVERYWHERE

its just sex, RIGHT ? me and Liam are the most sexually experienced people IN the group. it was BOUND to happen… right? im still fond toward Michael.. i love everything about him apart from how distant he is. hes not ready for a relationship. so i’ll distance MYSELF perhaps he’ll come around
weekend just THERE my birthday coming up. no happy birthday from Michael. wow. deal with THAT Theresa. im going ahead of myself. lets go to the day BEFORE my birthday being the first of August , Friday. i get a message from Alex, “hey theres a party, you game ?” damn right !
so i go to this party, im SCOTTISH by the way, Alex is Romanian. (Gabriel : Alex’s brother)

all these accents surround me. its nice. its different… then i hear his most sweet, ironic, london boy accent from the other end of the room. and here we have Ryan, first encounter. hes not yet made eye contact with me. but i do feel drawn to him for some reason i dont know why. cause hes different ? i dont know. but i like it. so as the night goes on , the party gets fuller, im single , i look around at all these single beautiful people. people are making out. theres me between Ryan and Alex. Alex getting closer to Lauren. so that left me and Ryan , just sitting . i down a glass of wine. and spark up a conversation with Ryan. his voice, f*** sake. i just listen. Gabriel comes in whispers “do you like him” i smile, nod. that was it. peer pressure in coming. “go on tell him you like him” “kiss him.” “just get it over and done with !” Ryan just sitting there. the room all of a sudden is emptied and it leaves me and Ryan… im now facing Ryan sitting on a chest of drawers. im higher than his seat. he looks up at me, grabs my hands gives me a little head twitch telling me to come here. i do ive been wanting this all night. he grabs my hips, pushing me into his torso , and plants the most passionate, most soft kiss on my lips, i kiss back, drop my bottle of wine, and give in. that was us , till 6 in the morning, all we done was kiss, and all i done was listen to him speak… its happening all over again from Michael. lets see where this ends up…

this is all true, this is my life at the moment. i will write more if anyone wants me to.
by mrs joker. no its not my actual name lol and also don’t complain if my writing isn’t up to standards. im not a professional 😛

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