Posted by Anonymous on 2014/07/31 under Uncategorized What’s it like to love? How am I ever suppose to know what love really is? I’m 17 but the s*** I go through is well not what you expect from a normal teenage girl. I’m not the person i want to be,i want to prove to myself that i can be anything i want to be but well you can’t do anything you want cause your too young. I want to build myself to a person who can love herself and find love upon another. If my life wasn’t so dramatic I would be a normal 17 year old think about school and college and having fun, it doesn’t come like that to all of us. Some live with so much grief that well die and yet not get the chance to live a healthy life. My parents happened to have been together for 17 years, yet my mom has given my dad so many chances to do something for the family and all he did was just come home and say ” business is never good and i don’t like where i am”, we moved to Iraq my parents birth place and their Kurdish,the thing was that he never listened to my mom about making important decisions that effects our family. While we watched people getting to places we just had to sit and do nothing, and we weren’t supose to talk or say anything. The ending of 2013 and 2014 till now was and is the most painful years of my life. I failed one lesson and got c***y and didn’t study enough and failed the retest. So i stayed in grade 10 for two weeks and than got got into a school that accepted my failing grade and got into 11th grade. Than two months went by and i met this guys who said he loved me after only talking for two week, He got my first kiss but he kissed me at school and we got caught and i was suspended for 3 days i never felt so ashamed of myself in my life. Found out he was only a jerk and didnt want anything to do with him moved on and than my grades kept getting low and i wanted to go back where i was born, not going to mention,and i kept thing about going back ever since failing my last school and nobody would listen and than i just went through midterm and in between my mom left the house and had the hugest fight with my dad I,m the oldest i have to take responsibility for my brother and sister so tried to stay strong but im not that strong to take in all of it . i cried myself to sleep every night while i stayed at my uncles house with my mom after a month my uncles didnt do anything and told my mom to go home and said that my dad should go back to where we were and work there since he loved it so much. we went home and he left. march i started to breathe better but still could feel the pain in my mind, my body, my heart, at the end of the month i met this guy who was really sweet, but keep in mind in Iraq relationships isnt your best option teenagers think they all have and it figured out and give love as a lie, so we dated and lets say i was a big dumbo cause i was becoming those people who love was a toy. i broke up with him because of bad deeds of my mom and happened to like sb else for 3 years and i actually am and was love with him. So my second ex wanted to know was why i broke up with him, it took a along time to explain that i catn love anybody and my love for him was a lie. In the end we were done. 4 months my dad was gone and last month was just a highway to hell, he would get pissed off if we didnt answer a phone call and said what i imagine not alot of fathers say to me was eat s*** and shut up and well other words i cant say that really hurt me, like i already wasnt hurt enough, i would cry in silence and he would apologize and said that im showing my love. i than told him that the love that you give is like hatred for being in this world then i said that i had to go and only talk for a little and thats it. the thing is i would be the one with lots of hope, but im loosing it faster than i thought. Before the fights with my dad, i was gonna go and live with him cause im in grade 12 and cause the other languages were getting harder for me to follow but i couldnt go cause my mom even though her dirty deeds she needed me i have to sacfrifice what iwant for her soo id stand with her against my dad.I my life is a big black whole that cant be fixed .