Posted by Anonymous on 2014/04/21 under Uncategorized Ok so let me tell you a little about myself before I start discussing the issues I’m having. I’m an 18 year old freshman in college at UW-Madison living in a freshman residence hall. I come from a small town and went to a high school with a graduating class of 70 people who I went to school with since I was 4. I’m in pretty good shape. My parents are from the middle east and they moved here after their schooling, so i was born here. Ok so freshman year hasn’t really been what I thought It was going to be. Everyone on my floor knows me, but I don’t really have a solid friend group. I usually hang out with a specific group of guys on the floor, but unless i initiate the activity I am usually not included. 2 of my best friends in high school ended up on the same floor in a different residence hall about 5 min away from mine. They obviously hang out all the time, but i rarely see them anymore. Granted, a sizeable part of my floor is antisocial, but the people that do know me never really include me in any activities that they do. I don’t really text anyone anymore unless i need something, and no one texts me unless they need something. Also, another problem that I have is nervousness around girls. I have never had a serious girlfriend. I have only had onetime hookups and short flings with girls in high school and college. I haven’t even had more than a one time hookup in college. I feel more nervous and awkward around girls than anyone else. I have only gotten to second base with a girl because of that reason (yes im 18 and still a virgin…). I don’t know how to treat them, how to date them, the signs if they like me or not, how to really flirt properly, etc. It got better in the summer after my senior year, but since Ive gotten to college i feel like ive lost some confidence. Also, ive never really had a good friend who is a girl. Yeah i have friends that are girls but not ones i hang out with on a regular basis. Any advice for me here on girls? In general, I am a fan of sports. But when i talk to guys about sports I know the big names of the best players and everything, but i dont really know the history of the sports, the all time great players and moments and even the lowkey players in todays age that a lot of other sports followers know. My brother knows a crap ton about sports and he’s a sophomore in high school and he knows more facts, players and trivia than I do for sure. So in all, Does anyone have any advice for all the issues I’m having with my life? In terms of all the stuff i discussed: girls, awkwardness and nervousness, new friendship in college, changing my personality, things to do this summer, etc? I really need some help, I’ve talked to my parents, and they have helped a little bit but not at all with the girl/friendship/personality part of my problem. Some advice would be greatly appreciated. And honestly If i am overthinking a majority of this, fine, but help me to stop overthinking it because its eating me alive!
I honestly feel like a different person since I have come to college. I sometimes feel awkward in situations around people on my floor because they don’t initiate conversation with me, so i don’t have much to talk to them about. My best friend on the floor told me people like me, but I honestly just don’t have a solid group of friends I always hang out with. First semester i really messed up my gpa, So i’ve been kind of playing catch up this second semester and I have had to study a lot more leaving me with less free time. My roommate is cool, but he’s in a frat so he’s not really around much on the weekends. Also, somedays I overthink social situations and i dont know what to say to people and its just awkward. It might not be awkward to them, but i feel super awkward sometimes. Some days I feel fine, but some days I honestly just feel alone, with not many friends and I just don’t really feel that happy. There was a point in second semester where i was actually feeling depressed because of that reason and because of all my schoolwork.
I’m in 3 business clubs, but I’m really only involved so it looks good on my resume, so I’m not really close to anyone in those clubs. Meanwhile, my friends from high school are killing s***. They’re whole floor is so chill and they all hang out and they are all so close, and Im still tight with them but not as much as i was in high school. Maybe its just because a lot of my floor is antisocial, and honestly a lot of people that aren’t i wouldn’t even get along with anyway because a lot of the girls are very exclusive, stuck up and self centered, while the guys are feminine a******s. But like I said, the guys i hang out with sometimes don’t really include me, And I’m not sure if they like me or if I’m just that guy in the group that is just kind of there. Any advice for the problems i’m having up to this point? Yes, i may be over thinking and over analyzing a lot of this, but how do i stop over analyzing it?!
Also, not to blame my personality on my dad, but my grandpa died when my dad was 16, so he had to raise himself pretty much from that point on. Sure his mom was still alive, but he had no father figure through his adulthood. Maybe because of this my dad didnt really learn how to raise a kid past the age of 16 because of his fathers death, and especially in America, a different country than he was born in. I honestly haven’t really been emmersed in the american culture of old tv shows, movies and culture as much as my friends whos parents were born here. I havent ever seen that 70s show, the office, classic movies with adam sandler and other famous american icons in hollywood. Do those old movies and shows shape peoples personalities, should i just binge watch all those old classic shows and movies this summer to be more familiar with american culture or Does that not really shape a persons personality? Idk its just an idea as to why I am the way I am, but i could be wrong and again overthinking it.
Adding to the friendship aspect of college, i have been seriously considering rushing a fraternity next fall to be more social and meet more people. Would this be a good idea? (GPA aside)