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Posted by on 2011/10/18 under Uncategorized

When can I catch a break?? I’ve hit rock bottom and can’t seem to pull myself back up. Most of the time I feel lost, Im not in control of my thoughts or surroundings. And this is the time in my life I should be the happiest, joyful that I have unconditional love. But some reason or another ominous hangs over my head constantly, once I crack a smile and let sunshine thru. I’ve grown out of my friendships and realize my soul is yearning for the thirst of knowledge, instead of this petty he said she said bulls***. But it gets so lonely trying to make new friends when there are a handful of normal people out there. I’ve never been a jealous or envious person, but lately it seems as if those are my most strongest characteristics. I don’t know what I want….. when I’m not invited to my closest friends gatherings curiosity gets the best of me, but when I’m around I keep my distance and it’s noticeable. Once I gather up a little bit of strength to move on with my life, something else wants to crumble. My man can led an ear and listen to my problems, but be really good at creating others. His type of communication is yelling and not understanding to what I have to say. He is a typical guy that his way is always right and giving the stupidest reasons why. I try not to compare him to my ex, but he does things in the same manner as my ex. And my previous relationship is what destroyed me. An abusive verbal and physical relationship that made me go crazy. A place that I fear so much it still effects me to this day, I never want to go back. At times my current relationship can reflect things that I hated about my previous and I explode. I know I have to stay positive and keep moving in order for me to get better. It just gets so hard sometimes to want to keep going. Don’t get me wrong nothing on this Earth would want me to take my life and leave behind a little piece of me, because I know I am wanted and needed. I guess Im just tired…… tried of arguing, fighting, crying, stressing, and worrying. I just want to be happy…… not for a second, a day, a week, happy for awhile.

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