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Posted by on 2014/02/03 under Uncategorized

A million thoughts keep running through my mind. I’m almost 20 years old. I’m a freshman in college.

My roommate was talking about how she is on academic probation because she has been so depressed. As she began to explain all of her symptoms of her depression, it made me realize we all just want to be cared about. We all just want to know that we are love and wanted. It made me realize that we are in awe of ourselves. We sometimes do not look at the whole world around us. Put ourselves in others’ shoes. It made me realize that we are selfish people. Medication won’t solve our problems. It will only stimulate our mind into something that science helped create, to be “normal”.

I began to think about the time I was in Kenya. Seeing all of the people. They struggle too. They live just how we do. They worry about money, food, jobs, etc. just how we do. Everyone does. Not just me or my roommate.

Then I began to think about how our society is so corrupt. Everything is a revolving cycle of mess. First, our government. The healthcare system. People are so blind as to what is really going on. If only everyone would see the bigger picture. Media is corrupting us, as young people. We are self-centered and expect to get everything for nothing, no work, no effort. Since we do this, we let the media control our actions and the way we dress. Half the girls I know walk around half naked and act slutty. It is pathetic. The guys are no better. Everything has become sexualized. We are being corrupt by the idea of gay marriage and it being okay. It is not okay at all. It is taking the way humans were made and morphing it into something it’s not. Our society has gotten away from so many norms, our new norms are messing us up. Then we try to cover it all up with yoga and “finding the inner self”. I cannot function solely on my own, no one can.

Everything is a revolving cycle. One aspect of society starts slipping, then another part and another. One part tries to fix itself and it either causes more problems or it is condemned.

Part of me is so frustrated to live. I question why do I have to live in a world where not one country is decent enough to live the way I dreamed of as a child. Frustrated trying to figure out if I should continue to conform and do what the government my parents and everyone else with major authority over me has told me my whole life; go to college, get married, get a good job, make lots of money, have kids, die. Is that really the dream here? That’s so frustrating. Why should I have to figure out what I wanna be in life, when I don’t truly know what life is?

But the other part is fascinated. Fascinated by all of the corruption, like where are we gonna go next? Fascinated by the bigger picture. Fascinated to find my purpose in a world so big and so full of people I get lost in the crowd. Fascinated to see people everyday that I have no clue who they are and know that they could be struggling just like me, that could be having the same thoughts, hating and loving the same things. It’s fascinating to try to fit all the random pieces I was giving to the puzzle together to find my perfect fit here.

I’m not sure if anyone will even read this. I just had to get some of this out before I went insane with thought overload. I’m sorry if anything I said offended anyone that reads this. I love people. They fascinate me.

2 thoughts on “Too Much on My Mind.

  1. brometheus says:

    i read it. you speak many truths. No matter how bad the world seems, its up to us to make it better. We can only do it one by one. You reminded me of how many more like me are out there questioning things, and that alone made a difference for me. I will try to be kinder, more positive, and not give up in seeing what good there is out there in the world, and helping to spread it as well.

  2. Anonymous says:

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