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Posted by on 2011/09/27 under Uncategorized

How can I get out what i really feel….me and him have these fights. Lord knows that couples have fights but you have to get passed the majority of them to have a better future relationship with that person. I have been living with my boyfriend since febuary of this year and its been a roller coaster. I tried hard to hold in my sensitivity from my boyfriend but in the begining he said not to hold back and i trusted him and opened myself up to him and trusting him not to take advantage of it. it’s like he knows exactly what will piss me off or when my ticking bomb will go off and idk like does he just feel like maybe he’s just like the strongest one. I said in previous fights that i would hold back my tears and that just didnt work and it’s not healthy because i know thats not the way God wants me to gain more strength. I think that God wants me to gaining strength for myself and only myself. Iam a very kind person who tends to make sure that others are happy before myself i think this is how i have always been when telling myself. I have never been in a relationship like this before fights or living with my boyfriend. I think its all too much for me, i didnt know what to expect. it’s like when me and him get into arguments i can’t EXPLAIN MYSELF to him like in my mind it gets very hard. He just looks at mE, MY FACE,HOW IM CRYING and just looks at me like im just this sensitive girl thats gets on his nerves everytime she expresses herself with her emotions. That makes me feel even worse because my words and emotions get tangled up and i run out of words to say so i just walk away to be alone so i can take care of myself. i have a good job and in college and I think thats what pressures me more because we fight a lot and I live with him and I have a lot going for me and if something else happens where will I go. I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO BUT HOME IN VA and thats the last place i would want to go and there is family down there for me. i stay because i love this boy and want to try and make it work but when we constantly get in arguments i can tell it’s sinking and then when i feel my heart its tired and stressed out because i try to do too much to make us both happy?? It’s like when we are in an argument he goes off and listens to his music (IDON’TREALLYCAREMUSIC) AND ITS SO ANNOYING IT’S LIKE HE’S TRYING TO BE LIKE THIS PERSON THAT DOESNT CARE and an hr or two later we’ve made up!! thats a relationship for you, but it gets tiring the breakup/makeup process and most of the time i feel like im the one trying to work out a solution and maybe he is and i just don’t agree but most of the time when i ask him how he feels about “WHAT I JUST SAID” the answer is “I DON’T KNOW.” THAT IS THE WORST ANSWER YOU CAN GIVE EVERYTIME.Sometimes i feel like he doesn’t really see how much i do and it can make me feel unappreciated i hate that because I try really heard to show him how much i love him and when i say “I DO A LOT FOR YOU” AND HE’LL SAY “LIKE WHAT?” AND SAY “JUST PLAYIN.” I DON’T LIKE TO BE PLAYED AROUND WITH A LOT WHEN YOUR THROW OUT YOUR EMOTIONS. Right now after the argument we just had i have nothing to say he’s acting like he doesn’t care!! I can’t count on my fingers and toes how many times i’v cried since we have been together i have never cried so much in my entire life and it scares me. I don’t wana overly stress myself and risk my health. After our argument i told him when he comes home next weekend from college i won’t be here. I have not yet figured out where im gona go i work? I go to school? i can’t just pack up and leave? there is so real option for me rite now. Im just tired of being treated like im this little cry baby that can’t control it and trips and cries over nothing because I don’t!! Maybe i need to stop always saying yes even when he gets in his feelings i don’t know. At the end of the day i got me and i need to make decsions for myself and just lets somethings go. Im just really tierd of everything ending the same way or me tryina crawl back to him and blame myself?? While im sitting in my room typing this he’s in the other room blasting music and he’s okay. I don’t think i will ever get it!!!

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