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Posted by on 2011/09/11 under Uncategorized

You know what, just stop talking to me. F***ing stop. It’s not fair, how come you’re so lucky? I’ve been f***ing forever alone for years and I don’t understand it. People tell me I’m pretty, I’m funny, I’m awesome but f*** it all, it doesn’t mean s***. Nobody. Seems. To. F***ing. Like. Me. I can’t blame it on the world though, it’s my fault too. I don’t go out enough, and when I do talk to guys I’m too much like a bro that they instantly see me as just a friend. Why does he like her anyways, she’s shy and he is too, they’re both awkward. They haven’t even kissed yet. It’s infuriating that she happens to stumble upon him and of course he falls for her and they ride off happily into the f***ing sunset. It’s not her fault though, or his. I’m only being a jealous b****, but I can’t help but let this eat at me when I sit here alone every night thinking why not me? Then I think, “I’m better than her, I’m funnier and prettier why doesn’t he like me instead?” But that’s retarded. Of course he likes her she met him first, they hang out every f***ing day and text all the f***ing time. It’s not even him that I want, I want what he symbolizes. A cute guy with a good sense of humor but most importantly somebody who f***ing likes me.

Reading this over I sound like a huge b****, but f*** it. I’m always worried about what I sound like and what people think of me and why don’t the boys like me but f*** it all, I’m sick of people and I’m sick of boys and I’m sick of myself. Life is ridiculously boring right now and I think that’s part of the reason I want someone to love, it will give me something to do, you know? I can’t want to grow a few years older then maybe I will feel free. Get that piercing and tattoo I want. F*** my parents, f*** their conservative views.

Looks like for now I’m stuck in forever alone land where my jealously turns into resentment and I slowly get more and more depressed. Not that you would be able to tell, I’m very good at hiding my emotions. Surprisingly I do feel better after writing all this out, I feel like nobody else would understand. They would tell me to “chill out” or that I’m “overreacting”, which I am. I don’t want to hear it from someone else’s mouth though. Thanks for listening to what’s been eating away at me. I need to work on finding inner peace.

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