Love Work Family Friends Games Kids Life

Posted by on 2013/05/14 under Uncategorized

I am distracted..I work my dream job and am loving it. I am worried..about bills, family, love, I am in love.. but our love is now long distance when I moved for my new job. I have loved this person for 6 years but I don’t know if the distance is making me distant or if this is how I feel now.. no matter the distance. I feel myself drifting away.. from her…from reality.. I feel depression settling into the spot it once lived in my brain for many years. I have since filled that spot with good things.. but the good has been chipped away and now the spot is filling with sad thoughts. I feel the sadness.. all over my body. As if I am now living in a depressed state. I feel an overwhelming urge to be alone.. I can’t tell if that is the depression talking or if it is the fact that a lot of the stress comes from the people in my life.. therefore my body wants to defend against those people as if they were a foreign cell in my body. I hold on to a lot of pressure to ensure others happiness as well as my own. My own happiness comes much later. I dream of being alone in the woods sitting by a pond looking over a beautiful scene and thinking of nothing. The thought of that silence in my mind is my mistress. That desire to be happy and at peace with myself is the thing I long for and have fantisies about. I can’t bring myself to change my current reality for the fear I will hurt the ones I love.. so I am starting to isolate myself..and those people sense it.. I don’t know how much longer I will last without that peace

One thought on “My life is not what it should be.

  1. J says:

    Hey there, I was feeling similar to u. I just went through a breakup, and had no idea that it was coming, I was miserable. I still love this girl and hope one day we will be reunited. But that’s another story. What I want to tell u is to just believe God. Doesn’t matter what religion u r, just trust that whatever happens, happens for a reason and u r not in control of ur fate. If u believe that u r not in control of ur fate, then u will end up not worrying abt things and start enjoying life, it helped me, I don’t know if it will help u or not. Best of luck to u sir 🙂

Leave a Reply

Name and Mail are optional. Your email address is however required if you want to subscribe to the comments (see below)

This site uses User Verification plugin to reduce spam. See how your comment data is processed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.