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Posted by on 2013/04/25 under Uncategorized

I am 21 year old dude. My group of friends and I are pretty well known in the downtown scene and we know a lot of people. I hate this life style… but I just can’t escape. We go out three or four times a week (we are students) and get absolutely annihilated. I am not talking a little buzz on… I mean f***ing obliterated. Through high school and up until about three months ago I never thought I’d smoke. Recently, I started taking a few puffs while drinking. Little did I know I would start buying packs every time we go out. I crave cigarettes so bad when I am drinking it is unbearable. What is happening to me… I have completely lost touch with myself… I feel so alone; I don’t know what I’ve become.

I am the “smart guy” in my group of friends. I maintain honours in school without applying myself. My friends struggle. Most of the time I tell them I do worse than what I actually do. I don’t want them to compare themselves to me. I feel like the life style we are living is so fake. The people we meet and hang out with are literally just trying to impress one another. I’ve been hooking up with quality broads and it seems like I am having a great time. The truth is… anytime I am with a chick I think of my ex. She cheated on me two years ago and gave me clap. I still think about her every day. I feel like she was the last person who really knew me… I f***ing miss her.

I have come to the sad realization that while in university it is not necessarily good looks and intelligence that gets you broads, it is f***ing social status. This drives me crazy I hate it. In high school before I came out of my shell, I was just as good looking and just as smart but I was never noticed. Now that I am living this f***ing life style meeting girls is a f***ing joke. The last girl I hooked up with was an incredibly sexy girl from Lithuania. She is in a few of my classes but we never really spoke at all. After one of my presentations she messaged me on Facebook and that’s when it started. She started sending me nudies and hitting on me every time she seen me out. She has a huge black boyfriend so that is what held me back. Finally I brought her home and hooked up. In the middle of being on top of this chick she started crying. She told me she never slept with anyone who wasn’t her boyfriend before. I feel like f***ing s***. This is one of few good girls and I completely used her. What the f*** has happened to me. I used to care so much and truly want to get to know people. I have lost touched with that.

I am lost


One thought on “What has become of me?..,

  1. Izzy says:

    The fact that you actually feel lost seems to me to indicate that are not as lost as you could be. The people who are most lost are the ones who don’t think twice about what kind of lives they are living.

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