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Posted by on 2012/12/27 under Uncategorized

At first it hurt, and it hurt a lot. I cried for a while, a long while, but I finally recovered. I realzied she didn’t really care about my wellbeing a while back. She only cared for what she thought she could make me into, not what I actually was. I was fine with that for some time, but then I got older. I have problems yes, but now I understand them better and can deal mostly on my own. She aches to control something since she is unable to control herself. It hurts me, I may be a submissive in the bedroom most times, not that she knows that, but I need space to make my own choices and mistakes as I go. I’m in the stage of my life where I am supposed to be discovering myself, not moving to somebody else’s beck and call. It’s un-natural to me, I can’t stand to listen to her. Even if I ever were to have a dom, it would have to be somebody much better suited for me, and I for them of cousre. I can’t handle extreme arrogance, something she has and keeps in abundence. I have people in my everyday life that I wouuld love to be my dom, however it isn’t accpected at this point in time, with myself still being a minor and a virgin. My intelligence harms me, and gifts me at the same time. I hurt inside some times, my mind talls me I need to form a relationship, and be with somebody, and do something with myself. While the part of it that has been cultivized by socity tells me I’m too young to know those things, much less wish for them, or more ach and long for them as I do. I think something may have went wrong mentally while I was growing and developing as a small child. I have almost completely diffenrent personalities occasionally. I truly think I may incidentally or not, be turning into different people every so often. I have two very distienctive ones, a small child whom I call Haven , my real name, and a much older person who takes on qualities of both girls and boys that I have named Adrian. Their are a couple other factions, but those two are the most dominant. I have PTSD and occasional bouts of depression, and I think I’ll being heading to the doctor soon. I used to take meds for my PTSD, but it isn’t so bad now, and I only have panic attacks when she hurts me badly, physically as well emtionally incase you’re wondering. I’m surprised this place doesn’t have a word limit, though I enjoy it. I’m really tired, I may write something again eventually, thank you wonderful site.

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