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Posted by on 2012/12/26 under Uncategorized

i always thought when i grow up i can get an apt live on my own and have a job im proud of. do stuff with friends and have a loveable girlfriend that i can brag about to everyone i know and the people i dont know. but as i grew up it never went that way. my troubles started when i was maybe 5 or something like that. around that time i loved my mom. i loved my dad even when he spanked me too hard. until one day i stopped seeing my dad around and started seeing my mom crying and depressed trying to keep up smiles. i didnt know why even after my mom nd sisters explained it to me. i still couldnt imagine it. after a few years i ended up just moving on but it felt like a piece was missing. the years that followed seems like a blur but my sisters and everybody else say i was given drugs from the black guys that lived around the area. that brought the cops in and stuff, i cant tell you every detail cause i honestly dont remember my childhood only a handful of fragments. after that i lived with my grandma and i was happy for the most of it. but i was having trouble with school a lot of kids picked on me. the teachers didnt help me cause i guess they felt i wasnt motivated to learn so they werent to ethuisastis about helping me and there was nobody i can really talk too. i felt alone and sad and i did my best to ignore that and keep smiling always hope-ing for a better tomorrow, a better week, a better month, a better year. than i moved to pheonix with my mom and her new boyfriend that shes been seeing i was thrilled cause now i could see some new people some new places and maybe better memories to enjoy. i enrolled at an elementry called Larry C. Kennedy and i was quite cause after a year of being there i couldnt make friends cause i was non-understandable or something like that i dont know the reasons but every conversation seemed pointless. but the next year or so i started making some friends and they were fun and funny. they were always saying something or doing something that made everyday worth getting up so freakin early. i never wanted it to end so i stayed as much as possible and as long as possible but my mom couldnt help but go crazy once i got back. she was always screaming and pouring her guts and feelings at me. i didnt wanna hear it cause i didnt think it was a big deal but i never wanted to tell her that cause she would just keep going on and on. so i never did i just kept doing it and it got so bad that one day she said pack or your stuff and leave if thats what you want. i didnt. but i think im getting off track here… anyways im 16 now i dont remember the year so i wont struggle to figure that out. i dont think i ever graduated that school cause the principle didnt like me after all the s*** i ended up doing. at this point i havent seen my friends for.. well lets say 5yrs and i didnt know how to contact them or even where to bump into them. but for some reason i knew i would see them again but i didnt think we would be different when that time came again. at this time im living with my mom still but also with my sisters and lil’sisters and brother. my mom had 3more kids 2 of them was with the guy i talkd about earlier and the other one was from another guy. and we lived there for 2or3yrs and in that time i losted my virginity to some unstabled-minded chick who was actaully in love with my sister and became a fully developed alcoholic and a serious chain smoking cigarette addict that loved and couldnt go without marijauna and fell in love with a black chick that was older than me more athletic and who some people couldnt get out of there heads the reason why she was with me. but that ended with me cheating on her with the unstabled chick and for a year or so i felt dead inside for what i did. some where around this time my dad called my mom and said he wanted us to visit so we did. i was happy and excited and nervous so i tryd ignoring it by thinking about something else but once we got there i couldnt talk to him cause i didnt have anything good to talk to him about. that made me more depressed and he was more proud of my older sister for all the hard work she put into finishing school and getting a job that sorta made me hate him and it made me jealous of my older sister i didnt wanna think about it cause i didnt wanna feel that way towards my sister but my actions showed something different. i ended up stealing from her debut card and using her card for online purposes. after awhile i stopped feeling that way i let those feelings go from my mind and from my heart. im 17 im still smoking i stopped drinking for months i live with my mom still but my sisters moved out and there living with my aunt. its october and im hanging out with cool people thats taken a liking to me. we hangout and smoke sometimes drink and smoke marijauna. after a year of living there or so i tryd making a relationship with a stripper but she never seemd like she wanted to do that with me. i was accoused of attempted rape. i made some long-distant relationships with a few chicks over the internet. almost started dating a high school chick but her father didnt like me cause i qoute “my daughter is not dating a fagget!” un-qoute. now im 20 its 2012 about to be 2013 in less than week. im still jobless. still looking for love and hope-ing it can last. still apartmentless. im living with my sisters and aunt. not so depressed as i was back than. still wanna make my father proud. gonna try to get my GED so i can get a job. not drinking that hard anymore. still smoking but only cigarettes. theres much more im leaving out but i just cant get too detailed since i dont wanna and mostly cause this is all i can put together. i just wanted to vent all the s*** out and get ready for another new year to make a better life to live.

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