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Posted by on 2011/08/07 under Uncategorized

Why did I trust him? We dated and his father and stepmom didn’t approve. We pretended to break up, but secretly that whole summer I went to his house and brought him to mine until time to take him home before his parents got off of work. I loved him so much. He was my everything. I knew the perfect Summer would end when he had to leave for basic training for the Navy. That morning he called me and told me his dad had died of a heartattack. I tried so hard to be there for him and did everything I could. He went off to basic and I slept with the phone for 2 weeks missing those late night phone calls we would have. I longed to get a letter from him just knowing I was holding the same paper he had held. I missed camp for him to be there when he left for basic. That night all those bottled up emotions I had pured out. I cried on the bathroom floor and wished to be with him. I felt so horrible like the long distance thing wasn’t working. I broke up with him. I felt so horrible and wanted him back so I begged and begged for forgiveness, but I felt like I was being forced to stay with him. When I found out he was cheating on me….I wanted to die. I literally planned out my suicide, but I didn’t do it. Some days I wish I had. Other days I feel it wouldn’t be worth it. His cousin, who i trusted so much, when his dad died him and her weren’t technically related anymore and she had the nerve to tell me she loved him and every time she mentioned it I wanted to cut her fat ass open and rip her heart out like he did mine. She had the f***ing NERVE TO TELL ME SHE LOVED HIM! I feel as though I am worthless. I have no part in living on this earth. I want to die and be forgotten forever no matter where I go even if it is Hell. Other days Im pretty happy, but like I see on everyone’s staus on facebook, I show only what I want people to see. My smiles are fake, my heart aches, and eventually i’m going to break. I want to write a suicide note, but it would be more worthless than me.

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