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Posted by on 2018/12/24 under Kids

GOD,

WE JUST WROTE OUT ALL OF OUR QUESTIONS AND NOW IT'S GONE. IT ACCIDENTALLY GOT DELETED. LETS TRY AGAIN;

1. HOW DOES ULLRICH FEEL ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE )A LOVING HIGHER POWER( CONTROLLING HIS LIFE?

-I DON'T KNOW, HE SEEMS TO FEEL FINE WITH IT.

2. WHO AND WHAT HAS ULLRICH WANTED TO CONTROL? TRIED TO CONTROL?

-I DON'T KNOW. IT SEEMS LIKE HE HAS WANTED TO CONTROL THE FAMILIAR BECAUSSE HE JUST WANTS EVERYONE TO GET ALONG BUT NOW HE HAS ACCEPTED THAT HE REALLY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT WOULD BE REAL NOR RIGHT NOR ACCURATE. HE HAS GIVEN UP ALL HOPE!

3. WAS THERE A NEED TO KEEP THE ASSAULT A SECRET? )IF YES, EXPLAIN WHY, FOR HOW LONG AND WHY ULLRICH DECIDED TO TALK ABOUT IT NOW?

-M. SEEMS TO KEEP ALL OF THE ASSAULT A SECRET FOR HURTING HER TRAUMATIZERS. SAUL FOR INSTANCE BROKE HER ARM, AND PERHAPS BETH AS WELL? SOMETHING ABOUT SANDWITCHING IT IN THE OVEN DOOR? I DON'T KNOW HOW SAUL DID HIS BUSINESS? BUT M. TOLD ME NOT TO TELL ANYONE UNTIL I JUST COULDN'T BARE THE IDIOCY ANYMORE! I HAD TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET AND REVEAL THE PAIN FOR WHAT IT WAS, AN INAUTHENTIC AS PECT OF EXISTENCE THAT ISN'T MINE TO CARRY ANYMORE!

?????????????????

4. IF ULLRICH SAID NO, DID HIS FAMILY LOVINGLY TALK WITH HIM OR GET HELP FOR HIM? OR WAS IT A DEEP DARK SECRET THAT WAS NEVER TO BE MENTIONED NOR TALKED ABOUT AGAIN?

-THEY NEVER TALKED LOVINGLY WITH ME UNTIL I BROKE DOWN INTO HYSTERIA AND PANIC BECAUSE OF THEIR FETISHES AND BDSM! I HAD TO RAISE UP ALL OF MYSELF ALL ON MY OWN!! AND THEY GET MAD AT ME BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! THEY ALL ABANDONED ME. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. IT IS STILL A DEEP DARK SECRET! THEY EVEN TOOK THE PHONE SO I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE GRACE OF THE MEETINGS TO KEEP ME COMPANY. SADISTS! THEY AR E POWERLESS SADISTS!

5. TO WHOM DOES ULLRICH WANT TO TALK TO ABOUT THE ASSUALT NOW?

-RENEE SEEMS PRETTY SAFE TO ULLRICH. WE HAVE BEEN CONTINUOUSLY TALKING WITH HIM VIA THE TECH AND VIA NOT THE TECH, JUST DOPERS ESP. HORST LOEFFLER AND SOMETIMES JOHN BUT JOHN ALREADY SEEMS WAY TOO WOUNDED. WOUNDED BEYOND BELIEF. IT'S NOT FAIR FOR ME TO TURN TO SOMEONE LIKE THAT WHO HAS JUST NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE. RENEE, CATHY, LUCY, SALINA. THESE ONES SEEM SAFE SO FAR IN THE WORK WE'VE DONE TOGETHER.

6. HAS ULLRICH DECIDED TO RELEASE HIMSELF FROM CARRYING THE BURDEN OF THE TRAUMA? IF SO, HOW?

-HOW DOES WE MEAN BY RELEASE? THERE'S A SCENE IN UPSTREAM COLOR WHERE THE FARMER THROWS THE COMPOSITIONS OVER THE BRIDGE? LIKE THAT KIND OF RELEASE? I HAVE THROWN AWAY A LOT OF JOURNALS LIKE THAT WITH ALL THE HOMOPHOBIC CONTENT IN THEM. THAT IS A KIND OF RELEASE NOW, NO?

7. HOW CAN ULLRICH TURN THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE ATTACK OVER TO THE ATTACKERS AND TRAUMATIZERS?

-I DON'T KNOW. I NEED GOD TO TEACH ME. SO FAR I JUST MEDITATE, PRAY, PHONE MEETING MYSELF, AND TRY TO TAKE IT AS EASY AS POSSIBLE WITH THE SIMPLEST MEANSS NECESSARY. GOD BROUGHT ME TO CHURCH AND GOD LET ME ASK GOD TO REMOVE THE EFFECTS OF THE TRAUMA AND THE VISION OF GOD THAT HAS AT HIS HANDS THE FAMILIAR AND ITS PARENTS. LEPCHA HELPED ME DO THAT.

8. SURRENDER DOES NOT MEAN SUBMISSION; WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO ULLRICH?

-IT JUST MEANS GIVING UP. IT MEANS THE GHOST IS GONE AND NOTHING IS LEFT BUT THE BLEAK TRAUMA OF THE EVENT. IT MEANS THAT I HAVE TRIED TO DO THIS EVERY SINGLE WAY EXCEPT FOR THE GOD WAY AND THAT MEANS THAT GOD CAN DO FOR ONESELF WHAT ONESELF CANNOT DO FOR ONESELF. IT JUST MEANS TO BE AS PRESENCE AS CAN BE. TO GOD-GET OUT OF GODS WAY.

9. IN STEP 3 WE COME TO BELIEVE THAT OUR FEELINGS OF FEAR, ANGER, RAGE, RESENTMENT AND REJECTTION ARE CONNECTED TO THE ASSAULT. WHAT CAN WE TELL OURSELVES TO AFFIRM THAT IT'S OKAY TO HAVE AN EXPRESS THESE FEELINGS?

-I DON'T KNOW. WE CAN TRY THOUGH; GREG, PLEASE ALLOW ULLRICH TO FEEL THESE PAINFUL FEELINGS AND THIS ANGER OF SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS AND THESE RE-SENDY-MENTS THAT GET IN THE WAY OF OUR PROCESSIONAL. IF IT IS HARD TO OVERCOME THESE FEELINGS, THAT IS OKAY, GOD MADE THEM IN THE TIME THAT GOD MADE THEM TO OCCUR. WE CAN ONLY GOD GET OUT OF GODS WAY.

IT IS OKAY TO HAVE THESE FEELINGS.

SILENTLY ANONYMOUS,

-THE ARCHER

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