Posted by Anonymous on 2018/12/18 under Kids GOD, HERE IS THE SECOND STEP OF SASA; AND THE QUESTIONS THEREIN; 1. WHAT PROCESS DID ULLRICH GO THROUGH TO FINALLY COME TO BELIEVE IN A HIGHER POWER? BY ESTABLISHING A BOTTOM LINE IN MY ADDICTIVE BEAHVIOR, I REALIZED THAT THE WAY I WAS TRYING TO FILL MY GOD SHAPED HOLES WAS SUB PAR AND SIMPLY DIDN'T WORK THE WAY I THOUGHT IT MIGHT. I WAS PLAYING GOD. AND I HAD FAILED DESPARATELY. BUT IN THAT FAILURE, I DISCOVERED MY HUMANITY. I DISCOVERED MY HUMANITY IN A MOMENT AND MOMENTS OF HUMILIATION. SO THE EMBARASSMENT THAT WAS THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE, BEGAN TO BE THE THING THAT LET ME CLOSER TO THE SACRED HEART OF GOD AND HIS HIGHER POWERS. NOT MINE. (NOT MIND?) 2. WHO OR WHAT IS ULLRICHS HIGHER POWER AND WHY? -IT SEEMS LIKE AT THIS POINT I AM COMMITTED TO SEEING WHAT HOLY MOTHER CHURCH IS ALL ABOUT. I WAS VERY ABUSIVE ABOUT HOLY MOTHER CHURCH BEFORE BECAUSE SHE SEEMED TO JUST CONTRADICT HERSELF AND USE HERSELF TO ABUSE ME AND MAKE IT MY FAULT. SEEMED TO JUST USE GUILT TO HURT ME AND MAKE ME SELF-DOUBTFUL. IT SEEMS CRUEL THAT I WOULD WORSHIP A GOD WHO JUST WANTED TO HURT ME. BUT I REALIZED WHEN I MET THE PROGRAM OF ACA THAT GOD DOESN'T WANT TO HURT ME, MY PARENTS WANTED TO HURT ME, AND THEY WERE JUST THE MERE INSTRUMENTS FOR BRINGING ME INTO THE WILL OF GOD. MY PARENTS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PROGRAM. GOD RUNS MY ENTIRE PROGRAM. MY PERCEPTION ABOUT MY HIGHER POWER CONSTANTLY CHANGES BUT WHAT I RELY ON THE MOST AT THIS TIME IS THE EMPTY RITUAL OF SHOWING UP FOR GOD WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS. JUST COMMITTING THE STEPS AND GETTING GOD OUT OF THE WAY. ONCE THAT HAPPENS, I CAN BECOME HUMBLE ENOUGH TO RECEIEVE HIS GRACE. 3. GIVE AN EXAMPLE OF HOW ULLRICHS LOVING HIGHER POWER GUIDES HIM? -WELL, FOR INSTANCE, THIS LAST WEEKEND, I WENT TO RECONCILIATION AND IN THE LITTLE BOOTH I CONFESSED ABOUT PRACTICING SELFSEX AND MY ADDICTION TO LUST. I EXPECTED THE PRIEST TO CHASTISE ME AND TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR SINNING. BUT INSTEAD HE SAID, IS ULLRICH SORRY? AND I SAID, YES, WE ARE. AND THAT WAS IT. I DIDN'T GET A SPANKING OR GET RAPED OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. IT WAS VERY SIMPLE AND TO THE POINT. I DON'T KNOW IF IT HELPED BUT MY DISEASE WON'T HAVE ANY EXCUSE TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY PROGRAM IF I AM CONSCOUSLY SHOWING UP FOR THESE STEPS. 4. HOW DOES ULLRICH GET IN TOUCH WITH HIS (OWN) SPIRIT OR SUPPORT SYSTEM? -THROUGH THE SPIRITUAL PHONE. WE MOSTLY DO PHONE MEETINGS BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE LEAVING THE HOUSE. HAVING PHONE NUMBERS AND A DATA PLAN REALLY HELPS ME FEEL CONNECTED TO THE FELLOWSHIP OF MY HP. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SPIRIT. I JUST KEEP IT AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE, AND IF SPIRIT SHOWS UP, THAT IS QUITE ALRIGHT WITH ME. 5. IS ULLRICH WILLING TO TRUST OTHERS TO REFLECT BACK TO HIM HIS POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE SELVES? -ULLRICH DOESN'T REALLY LIKE THE WORDS POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE. IT JUST REMINDS HIM OF BATTEREIES AND IN PARTICULAR THE OLD SHELBY DOLL HE FELT WAAS POSSESSED BY DEMONS LIKE IN POLTERGEIST. GOD IS BEYOND CONNOTATIONS OF POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE AND NEUTRAL. WE ARE BOTH OF US ON THE FENCE ABOUT TRUSTING OTHERS AS IT SEEMS VERY RISKY AND GAMBLING-LIKE BEHAVIOR BUT WE KNOW THAT IF WE DON'T LEARN HOW TO TRUST, VERY LITTLE CAN BE DONE ABOUT OUR SITUATION. WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO TRUST GOD BUT WE ARE WILLING TO ACT AS IF AND FAKE IT TILL WE MAKE IT. 6. WHAT HAS ULLRICH DONE OR THOUGHT ABOUT DOING TO HIMSELF THAT WAS SELF-DESTRUCTIVE? -CUTTING, USING RAZORS, (FLIRTING WITH RAZORS?), TAKING DRUGS, SMOKING CIGARETTES, DRINKING BEER, LIQUOR AND WINE. COMPULSIVE ACTS OF LUST. SUICIDAL FANTASIES. DESIRE TO OVERDOSE WITHOUT CONTEMPLATING THE CONSEQUENCES. CUTTING OFF BODY PARTS; FINGERS, TONGUE, SO FORTH. 7. HAS ULLRICH HAD SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE? IS THAT SANE? – I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS SANE OR NOT. IT DEPENDS ON WHO WE ASK. IF I AM ASKING MYSELF, MYSELF AND ULLRICH MIGHT SAY THAT IT IS NOT AS INSANE AND UNSANE AS IT SEEMS. BECAUSE WE LIVE IN AN ABSURD UNIVERSE, SUICIDE CAN SEEM LIKE A VIABLE OPTION IN CONDITIONS HAVE BECOME COMPLETELY DESIRELESS AND ONE IS ONLY LIVING FOR THE OTHER AND BEING FOR THE OTHER. THERE IS NO SENSE OF AGENCY NOR PARTICIPATORY FEELINGS OF ENGAGING WITH THE CLAN. ONE IS JUST IN ONES BUBBLE OF BLEAK AND WHEN THE FEELING IS HEIGHTENED AT CERTAIN MOMENTS, COUPLED WITH TERROR, OVERWHELM AND EXHAUSTION, SUICIDE CAN START TO SEEM LIKE A VERY GOOD OTHER OPTION. PERHAPSS IT IS NOT SANE BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I MIGHT SAY IT IS UNSANE IN SOME CONTEXTS. IN MY CONTEXT? PERHAPS IT IS INSANE//UNSANE BEHAVIOR. BUT IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SHOCK OF HUMILIATING EXISTENCE. I WAS SORT OF EMBARASSED INTO JOY SOMEHOW? I DON'T FEEL PARTICULARLY SUICIDAL THESE DAYS BUT I FEAR THAT THE BEAST AND THE FIEND MIGHT ALLWAYS COME BACK TO HAUNT ME AND RUIN MY LIVELIHOOD FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR SATANIC PLAN. I HOPE THAT I MIGHT BE OKAY IN WHERE I AM, EMOTIONALLY. GOD IS CHANGE, I AM EMPTINESS. SILENTLY ANONYMOUS, -THE ARCHER