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Posted by on 2011/12/08 under Friends

Today, i lost my bestfriend of 11 years.
She has decided to move to Balina, with her boyfriend.

Am i suppose to be happy for her, smile and fight my tears back as she leaves her family, her friends and i behind.
Am i suppose to forget the fact that she has been apart of my life for so long now that it feels almost impossible to breathe knowing she wont be around.
Am i suppose to forget that this ‘boyfriend’ has made her into someone she isnt, someone who doesnt care for her life anymore, let alone the most important people around her.
That he has made her quit everything because he doesnt work, or try for a better education so she isnt allowed, because he might feel less of himself if she decides to better her life.
Do i ignore the fact that she has taken up drugs since being with him, smoking pot everyday, speaking to me about gas, and taking ice.
How do i ignore the fact that my bestfriend who i knew better then i knew myself is no longer there. I only have memories of who she use to be.
and they are slowing fading.

But i am the bad person, im a horrible bestfriend for not supporting her, for not being happy for her.

How can i possibly fake a smile and tell her that i hope she has a great life, and that moving is a great decision that her and him will be so happy being together.

How do i lie, and hide my feelings.
I must be a horrible bestfriend if i cant accept this?

I really must be?

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