Love Work Family Friends Games Kids Life

Posted by on 2021/01/02 under Family

Friday, May 29, 2020
15:04

Dad still called after I told let him know that the university processed a refund for a course I dropped early. I dropped the course within the refund timeline.
First thing, he gets angry over the fact that "I dropped a course without telling him".
He considers it a big decision I made without discussing it with him first. He thinks they could "find alternatives".
First, I failed the "easier courses I took. What makes him think I won't fail this one? (which is by the way, the most difficult of the courses. It's rumoured that More than half the class failed the class failed it last year. I also didn't want to take the course, but he forced me to enrol it) .
Also, at the time I decided to drop it (which was a calculated decision. Not a careless one as it now has benefits), my parents were still angry over my last year's failure, angry because I came out as non-religious and even simply unapproachable. I still can't talk to my dad without him bringing up how "my rejection of christianity is going to make me fail in life". Pretty much demonstrate that they're really terrible at understanding people's psychological and emotional needs.
At the time I dropped the course, they were also not happy that I'm unable to get a part-time job while studying while my sister was able to.

Most importantly, if I told them, they'll just force me proceed with the course, like they did when I was enrolling them and then, they'll probably threaten to withdraw me from school if I don't proceed (again, dad did that when forcing me to enrol the courses). I was simply not able to take the course and pass it.

He then goes on to talk about how my introverted behaviour is discouraging and I'm not convincing him to keep on with his excessively hard work of spending on my expensive education. Complains about how I haven't called my mum to ask how she's doing.
—-(he asked me to do that. I simply haven't brought up myself to do it. I intend to call on Saturday, the usual weekend calls. Plus, she's angry over the loss of the ATM card she gave me. It got retained by an ATM yesterday while I tried to withdraw some money. Most importantly, I'm not good at faking emotions over the health of someone I have no emotional connections to. My maternal grandma is sick and my mum is not in a good mood. Also, asking questions like "how's grandma doing?" when I actually don't care how she's doing and can't help in anyway [I'm financially useless. I'm only a burden right now. I have no medical expertise or expertise in caring for sick/old people either] is just phony. I don't like being a fraud. But, I' still going to call because I was instructed to. Either today of Saturday). Perhaps this has something to do with my psychological state, which they don't care about. They label it as the consequence of me leaving their religion. But people can't learn or unlearn introvertness. They can only go so far hiding it. Which is what pretending and being phony is. When I do things like say "fine" when someone who can't help asks "How are you doing?" or I say "thank you" after an obviously useless call with someone, it's simply me learning to pretend to fit into those emotional connections people make. Because I don't mean any of those things. Some have become a reflex pretty much —–
Then he complains that "I'm not talking with my sisters". Which I assume is just a way of saying "I'm not joining them in prayers". Because I do talk to them. I don't chat, because there's nothing to chat about. I can't have my social life freely because my parents restricted it. They don't want me to have my own friends because they are not christians. So, have nothing outside chores (asking them about their passport, bills, helping them with little things like online banking, etc) to chat about. Moreover, my dad specifically warned me not to be "a bad influence" on them. So, it's his own instruction.
I don't join in their night prayers because it takes over an hour! As, I've said before, they got irrationally religious and I'm simply frustrated with it. So, I AM talking with them.

Funny how he didn't even point out the fact that the refunded money is now actually helpful as he's going to use it to pay the rent. The covid-19 pandemic has made rent payments difficult because Nigerian banking system and economy is in ruins. If I didn't drop the course, it would have simply been wasted. Instead, he'll probably look at it as his dictator god punishing me by making me loose my card, then providing a refund which would have come anyway (York refunds excess money every Fall term) and that I actually requested for so he can pay the rent now that he's finding it difficult.
I pretty much stopped listening midway through the call and was just giving reflex answers.

——While I was writing this, I received a call from Kelechi Onuigbo, a friend of my dad. He called twice at the beginning of the Winter term after I failed the Physics course, but I didn't respond because I guessed he was calling about the results and wanted to ask questions I can't answer. Even after my dad asked me to call him back, I couldn't because I needed Skype credits which I couldn't afford on my own and my parents were too angry to be approached for something that petty. Now he called and said something like, "It's Kelechi Onuigbo. Your dad's friend. You visited my house in Abuja" (basically introducing himself so I can identify him. I simply didn't know how to respond as different phrases entered my mind. I answered with "Okay". Then he asks how I'm doing. I forcefully gave the reflex answer of "fine". Then he tells how he called before and got no response, just as I was trying to come up with a polite explanation as to why I didn't call earlier, He moved on to ask about my sisters. (of course there's always a delay when someone asks me questions like that [about why I didn't respond/call back] because I have to construct my answer. So, if my inability to blurt out immediate answers is annoying to everyone, well, f*** them. I can't do anything about that. If my brain is coming up with an answer, it is coming up with an answer. I can't do anything about that, unless you swap out my brain for a better one maybe. I also have no reflex default answer for questions outside of "how are you?", "how's your family?", etc. If it's a brain damage, I have no diagnosis or treatment for that either.)——-

Leave a Reply

Name and Mail are optional. Your email address is however required if you want to subscribe to the comments (see below)

This site uses User Verification plugin to reduce spam. See how your comment data is processed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.