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Posted by on 2019/09/11 under Family

Dear N
Why the f*** did you stop talking to me. We had something, something good. I know last year I wasn't nice but once I realized how amazing you are, we were friends. And then for some reason, you slammed the f***ing door in my face. I told you a long time ago I had depression, that I felt more alive with you. You left anyway, putting in me in my most serious depressive state ever. You say you don't hate me. Did your mom find out I was a lesbian or something? Because it's worse. It's so much worse.
-BJC

Dear mom,
I'm so scared. And I've been scared for my whole life. I'm so scared because I don't know who I am at all, and you aren't helping. I've been so confused for so long and confusion turns to avoidance which turns to self hate which turns to bandages on my wrist and saying, "sorry, I ate at her house." You don't notice. But whatever. I'm so scared and I don't even know what I'm scared of anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore.
-BJC

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