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Posted by on 2012/10/29 under Uncategorized

Where do I start? I’m a closeted gay boy, and I met this guy online a few years ago, not knowing that he would have such an impact on my life. He lived close, but too far away to visit very often. We basically became bff’s or what we called gay best friends. And sometimes, yes we’d have some… cam sessions, because aren’t all gay teens horny? But what mattered the most is that we would tell each other everything. And it was so nice to have someone to just come home and talk to about problems. I love him so much, he made my life so much better. Well we recently went to college, the same college! And we aren’t dorming together, but we see each other a lot. And the other day I got the courage up to ask him to be my boyfriend. I thought after three years it would be a shoe-in. He, really nicely, was just a little surprised and said he needed a day or two to think about it. It’s been three weeks. We’ve talked like normally, but I feel now, unlike before, there is something I can’t talk to him about – himself! And if I can’t talk to him, who can I? Now I get random depression moments – especially because I’m very straight-acting, and even though there are plenty of gay boys in our school, I know I’ll never be able to be loved by anyone. Maybe because I haven’t completely accepted it myself, I don’t know. All I know is that I feel horrible, having something that I can’t tell anyone. So I doubt many can relate, but I just want to tell someone. Take off this damn mask of being happy all the time. 🙁

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