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Posted by on 2012/10/28 under Uncategorized

I feel like im losing my soul… Every move i make turns to @*##. I cant keep a relationship…with anyone. I know that im a pain in the ass, but i also know that im very misunderstood at times. Im not a typical depressive. Well, let me anonymously tell yall something. I was a heroin addict. It took over. Awful, awful drug. I am very, very proud of anyone who beats this. The withdrawals are the worst imagineable feeling. You pray for death. Anyway, my girlfriend saved me. She got me into rehab and believed in me. In us. In the potential that she sees in me when i would rather had just died. Shes an incredible girl. Im sure that you people are smart enough to realize that im having girl troubles. You see, I started dating her about 18 years ago. Our timing was off, but we finally seemed to get it this time. I just keep screwing everything up. Im a very bright individual, but when we argue i get all tongue tied. I misspeak, and its ran with. I hate hurting her. It absolutely kills me. I just wish that things could be different. We didnt break up, but i see this coming to a head. We have such different opinions on some things that i have no clue how we can find some common ground. I’d literally sell my soul to make this girl feel the amount of love that i truly have for her. Its that stupid love. The kind that just takes over your essence. You just kinda float around. Its strong enough to where it makes me believe in God… In God because there is nothing else that can make you feel this strongly about someone, about anything. She is incredible. Shes also 3.5 months pregnant. Anyway..How do I find this common ground? How do I show her that im completely sincere in all my actions,and she comes before oxygen to me. (not literally on that one. Id be dead) I need help. I feel myself slipping away…and where im about to go is dark. Its the side of me i despise. She has so much influence over me and power that it takes over everything. It makes me write anonymous posts on the internet and sound like a raving lunatic. I know Im not gonna die without her. I know that losing her would be a heart crushing affair, but it wouldnt end my existence. Its just that I know that its my biggest fear, and that if it happens, its gonna break me. Its gonna break me for good. I was born to love this woman, and believe me, I do. She is my sun. She is like gravity. I just need to know how not to screw up so much. To keep my mouth shut. Im not gonna lie to er or be fake, but what do I do? If I lose my sense of self, what part of me really loves her? I had to vent this out. Im sorry for the long post. I just dont feel like losing something that will defeat me. Ive never felt this utterly alone.

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