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Posted by on 2012/10/25 under Uncategorized

I want to kiss you because I am still physically attracted to you. I have never stopped being physically attracted to you. Even when I was “mad” I still found you cute and sexy and adorable. My concern is that while I may feel that way, I am being unfair and assuming that you are still physically attracted to me like you were before. I don’t want to make you feel like I’m being too forward or making you uncomfortable when I say that type of stuff to you, so if I have, I apologize again for doing that. I am not apologizing for being honest and saying what I feel though.

On the topic of me being “mad”, I want to explain why, on my part, we haven’t talked for 3 years. The last time I remember talking to you was junior year of college. At that point, you were with Tara. I chose to be mad and to feel angry again to cope with the fact that, you were with someone again, at that time I was not and I didn’t think I could stand to see someone getting the things I always wanted with you, for a second time. Especially, when I never had the chance. You seemed so smitten with her, I figured that she was all you wanted. So to keep my distance, I decided to feel hurt/mad about it all.

I’ve come to realize that I really like attention from you. Something I always have. For whatever strange reason, you make me feel special. I don’t want you to freak out or look at me like I’m crazy for what I’m about to say, but in all honesty, you are the only guy I’ve been with or liked, that I could have seen myself marrying. Seriously, to see you interacting with Mike the other day just talking as though those 3 years you last saw each other didn’t exist made me realize that. He has NEVER initiated conversation with any other guy I liked that he met. My parents loved you and accepted you and liked you. And I have never found myself losing interest in you. Other guys, I get bored with or tired of after awhile, which has never been the case with you.

I can’t help it. I do still have feelings for you, and I didn’t expect that, until I came back here and had thoughts of you on heavy on my mind. I realize that I can’t have things be how they once were. I also realize that it’s very possible that you are still in love with Tara and see her as the only person you want to be with for the rest of your life. And I certainly know that it’s highly possible that you two will get back together because you still have ties and connections to her.

I’m sure you are wondering why am I saying this…Heck, I’m not even really sure why I am saying all this. I know I’ve missed you being in my life. And I know I’d like you to be something in my life. I’m not saying I want a relationship, but I would really like a friendship. I also know that the only type of friendship we’ve had involved us also liking one another, so I don’t know what a regular friendship between us would be like. Hell, I don’t know if that’s possible. I just know I want something and I’m not in a position to be picky about it.

It seems as though time has never been our side or in our favor. That’s really all I wanted to say.

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