Posted by Anonymous on 2012/10/21 under Uncategorized I’ve been through alot and i want to share it with everyone. Im currently a 16 year old female and i suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder. I’ve been an inpatient in 5 diffrent mental health hospitals in the past 3 years. I am on constant watch because of my severe suicidal tendencies and eating habits. When i was a child our family had everything we could ever ask for! We were the “jone’s everyone was trying to keep up with” i was a spoiled kid until our family started to fall apart. My mother worked 12 hour night shifts and my dad found love in the bottle. My oldest sister was in and out of jail because of her drug habits. My dad never watch me or my other older sister so she raised me for about 4 years. she is 5 years older than i am. When we didnt do as we were told we were abused. beaten. My sister and i loved softball but had to quit after an event that happend at home with the softball bat. So we quit softball so he wouldnt hurt me with the bat again. We never saw my mom since she worked all night and slept all day. i was all alone. This lasted from 6 yrs old to 10. When i was 7 my older sister and her friend sexually molested me. we was 11 and her friend was 13. At the time i didnt know it was wrong but i didnt want it to happen. I didnt like it. I felt disgusting and guilty. My parents got a divorce when i was 9. My mom got an apartment downtown and my sisters both moved in with her. My dad and i lived homeless. We slept in his car and his car got repo’d so we slept out side of a walgreens at night to keep warm. This lasted about 4 months until he got money (i dont know and dont want to know how) and he got a small house on the other side of town. I visited my mom somtimes but i mainly lived with my dad. Things were bad. I had the job of a house wife along with school. I was to have dinner ready at 5;30 when he came home. The dishes we to be done. The floors were to be swept. My room and his room were to be cleaned. His and my laundry were to be done. His bed was to be made. It was rediculous for a 10 year old. Then year i was in 6th grade my grandmother died. She was the true mother figure in my life. I was devistated and so was my father because it actually was his mother ( well he was adopted so his adoptive mother)the day she had died i sang in the schools talent show “were in heaven” and got laughed off of the stage. They call me fat… and ugly. I was 10 and i weight 200+ lbs. i ate my feelings away. My best friends were all in a group at lunch and i went to sit with them and they told me i that fatasses cant sit at there table. I was alone. completely. I started to not eat. I lost quite a bit of weight. When i went into 7th grade i weigh 160. i had lost about 60 lbs. I contintued to lose weight rapidly. I started to only eat v8 bread and water. I worked out 3 times a day and ran an hour each day. My dad started to do all kinds of drugs. Sometimes id find him passed out in the bathroom or his room with the needles and snorting tubes on his nightstand. He stayed out late and somtimes didnt even come home. He wouldnt even call. I felt abondoned and tried several times to kill myself. Then a very traumatic event happend. I started to like a boy and i snuck out to see him one night. He told me he loved me. i was 13 i believed him. he said he would steal my pain and take it all away. that i could trust him. well one day after school i came home and i was doing my chores and he came to my house. (He knew that somtimes my dad didnt come home) I opened the door to him and he acted 100% diffrent. He acted like a complete a******. He walked past my and sat on my couch and turned on the tv and asked my to get him somthing to drink. As i got him somthing to drink he told me to hurry up and to cuddle with him. He stared me up and down and smiled he asked why i was dressed the way i was when i had company and proceeded to tell me to go change. so i went upstairs and he followed me. i went in my closet and got a nice outfit to wear and went to go to my bathroom to change and he said that i should change infront of him i told him no and went to go to my bathroom any way and he got up from laying on my bed (rude) and held me by my shoulders and demanded i change infront of him. I took my shirt and my pants off and as i reached to get my clothes he was all over me. i told him to get off and leave my house. i slapped him and he grabbed me and threw me on my bed. He raped me. My dad didnt come home that night. Then next day i came home and the back door was standing wide open. My dog was barking upstairs. It sounded like she was in my bathroom pawing at the door. I go upstairs and let my dog out of the bathroom. i was terrified at the point. as i reach down to pet her he picked me up with his hand over my mouth and rapes me again. hes told me he wouldnt ever see me again because he doesnt f*** fat b****es. I took those words to heart. I went from 160 lbs to 115 lbs in 4 months. I was then taken to a clinic where they fed me through a feeding tube for my refusal to eat. i was released when i was 14 and fell in love with a girl (im bi)and we had a wonderful relationship of 7months.. she stole her step moms car to go out for a joy ride and crashed is into a creek where she died. Then my 17 year old irresponsible sister was pregant. I raised him for the next 2 years and lived with my mom who then developed and bad drug problem.Then i let myself try to love again and we loved eachother so dearly! i cheated on him and that with alot of other things in his life made him commit suicide.
Then i got in an abusive relationship with a guy who treated me like s***. I still have his bruises and marks. Then this year my sister got pregnant again and i pretty much raised the other one as well. my sister was with a guy who beat her and asked her to have a 3some with me and admitted to trying to rape me in my sleep. My sister moved out 2 weeks ago to live with her fiance’s mom and i never see the kid i raised for 3 years and the other i raised for 11 months. I am still struggling with the nightmares and panic attacks. I told my mom last week about everything. she had no clue. she didnt care. For the past few months i have had to come home from school and pick my mom up off the floor, bathe her, lay her in her bed, and clean the puke off of the floor, and lay be her side until she sobered and woke up. My parents dont understand why im not a straight A student. And im in rehab for my marijuana and alcohol problem. Im soon to be an inpatient again. 2 days ago i layed myself to and fell asleep on the train tracks purposely.