Posted by Anonymous on 2012/09/27 under Uncategorized i used to look at people who fell in love and admire them. i would try and figure out how its done. how the process begins. if there was a pattern of some sort, or a warning sign that it was happening. its really just all about how you feel. feelings. thoughts. actions. theres so much that filters into the term “love”. I’m gonna admit right now that i am 14. i barely know anything on life but at the same time i know a lot more than some people. i have no choice but to be mature. i have no choice but to think like an adult. its expected of me. when i was 12 years old i fell in love. i didn’t know i did though. it was weird. he was 15 at the time. before you judge, i did look like i was 14 when i met him and i did lie. i lied because i didn’t think much would come out of us. we met down the shore and it was his last night before he went back to california. i remembering thinking to my self how lucky i was to be with this hot older guy. but being 12, i was prude. with everything. we only talked. exchanged numbers when it was time to go, and that was one of the last times i saw him in person. september came around and so did feelings. he is the only person i ever devoted my self to. there are not enough words to describe how much i loved him. i was young though and still learning how things worked. i f***ed up a lot. i honestly did in every way. he put up with it. he didn’t care how old i was. he was everything every girl wants. he was actually perfect and convinced he would marry me. we were together for a year before i ruined everything. it was off and on after that. i can honestly say I’m still very much in love with him. he will be my first. i don’t want anyone else. and i know that if i don’t marry him, I’m not marrying at all. he’s in his freshman year of college now, and I’m in my freshman year of high school. nothing hurts more than knowing i could still have him now if i didn’t do that one thing to make him leave. i miss him deeply and i dream that he will come back to me. I’m now dealing with the pain that he most likely won’t. while he’s moving on, I’m left behind. i compare every guy to him. none compare. when i die, he’ll be my last thought. he always is.