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Posted by on 2012/09/12 under Uncategorized

The love that I have for my husband is so deep, true and beautiful even though we are going through a very rough time right now. We have been married 4 months or so. My husband has a 7 year old little boy from a previous brief relationship who is my stepson. His real mother is unfit and can’t seem to get her life together which in turn is very damaging to my stepson. This is my first marriage and I have never given birth to any children, but my husband and I are trying now. I pray all the time that I will get pregnant very soon. I suffered a miscarriage earlier this year at 5 weeks, which was devastating to me. I think about it from time to time how far along I would’ve been, but I try my best not to think about it at all as it depresses me. I try my best to live in the present time and look forward to becoming pregnant in the near future. In any event, becoming a stepmother has been a huge challenge for me, but I look at it as practice for when my husband and I have our future baby. I love my stepson with all of my heart even on those days that he acts out and is constantly seeking attention. Yes, my stepson wants constant attention from everybody especially his father. It’s a bit of a struggle with my stepson and I regarding that as we are both longing for his father/my husband’s attention, but since I am the adult, I can compromise and allow my stepson to have his time with his dad.

Lately, my husband and I have been at each others throat, we have said some very horrible things to each other, but at the end of the day, we forgive each other though the things we have said to one another have been very hurtful. They say the tongue is a dangerous weapon and I totally agree. I do my very best to hold my tongue, but lately that has been very hard for me to do. In any event, we both know that it’s not us that is causing the arguments, it is other people, situations. We are both working hard and doing our very best for our son and I pray all the time that things will eventually smooth out very soon. I have put myself on the backburner a lot lately and I have finally come to terms that I cannot do that regardless of helping my husband raise his son. So I am going to start back at the gym and release that stress versus blowing up at my husband when he becomes very snippy towards me. I think also just walking away nicely when he becomes snippy with me is also a good thing to do. That way I can hold my tongue and not spurt off at the mouth and regretting things I have said to him. My mother always told me that you have to work on your marriage everyday. I didn’t think that was so, I guess I was living in an unrealistic world. I was single for many, many years so being a relationship then marriage hasn’t been that easy for me, but I have always wanted to get married. I’m glad I married the love of my life, my best friend, my lover even through this rough time now. I figured one day down the road I’ll look back and laugh at this thinking that all is very much okay now. I can’t say that now I’m laughing, I will say though that my heart aches so much lately because as husband and wife, we are supposed to love each other and respect each other and lately neither one of us has been doing that. I don’t want us to constantly nash at each other, I want us to love each other and be passionate and all over each other regardless of the situation. Like the pastor that married us said the key to a good marriage is communication. Plus, he told us both to never argue over money, that is one of the main reasons people divorce. Regarding money, we don’t argue over it, but at the same time his son’s mother needs to step up to the plate and financially help out especially since my husband has full custody of his son. She has never stepped up, when she had gotten child support she spends it on herself, not her son. She is a very selfish, spoiled rotten, evil brat. Yes, I said that, I’m so glad to get that off of my back. Me on the other hand, I’m a very generous, kind-hearted woman. I don’t mind helping out financially at all with regards to my stepson, but she does need to help out as it’s not fair to my husband to have all of the weight on his shoulders.

So I am going to continue to pray very hard to God to help us with our marriage and to not let others interfere with it and cause it to go sour. I love my husband with all of my heart and we are in this for the long run even though this temporary rough patch.

I love you so much, J.

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