Love Work Family Friends Games Kids Life

Posted by on 2020/09/29 under Life

I cannot crawl up someones arsehole who is a total c***. I am totally pissed off, and its been going on for years, i am sick to death of my local town i am living in, almost as much as the town i lived in before. Its not them its me, but its not me, its them, i am living around total c*** waffles, people with big fat mouths that blab and gossip all day long. Young drug dealers who head butt their mum and everyone is scared of them and walks on egg shells to please them. Ive never been a people pleaser ive never put on a mask to fit into society, i will not be fake and crawl up your c*** hole to get in with you. I don't feel stronger in a group or a click, i am an outsider. I cannot fit in, though i have tried, i have tried a little, i have tried kinda i have tried hard and it never works, in multiple towns i didnt fit it. No one wants to know me, no one can handle my truth, my face, my misery. Now it goes back to its not them its me, but is it me? i cannot c*** myself down enough to fit in with the c***s. I cannot bend my back to fit in and impress. They all think they are the s*** in their little groups, the followers the sheeple the fitting in kinds. They are bored they snigger and laugh, they gossip and nose into other peoples business. The price of being a loner is loneliness and i can take it, i want to take it actually, i wish i never spoke to anyone around here in this c*** waffle of a town. Even if i move, it will be the same, i want to live in a house in the middle of the countryside with no neighbours for about 30 miles. Build an animal sanctuary with birds chickens and pigs. I prefer animals, because i just cannot fit in with the masses, ive tried all my life and no matter how many times i try to find a diamond in all the s*** of society it just gets more difficult. Even if i did find a diamond, id want to hold onto it so tightly like some obsessed freak that i would only push it away. So i cant even have the luxury of having a diamond. I am f***ed totally. I just cannot fit in, all i wanted was to fit in, but now i wont bother, f*** them all. F*** these selfish c***s who are up their own arses. They don't even own their properties, they rent them. If only i was still drinking alcohol, id be knocking half of these f*** tards out, id be smashing their smug loud mouthed c*** faces in. Id relish being worse than they are, they wouldn't have seen nothing yet. Sometimes i feel like i need to earn some respect, maybe buy a nice new car to impress the neighbours, dress up the garden better than everyone else's. I left things to go to s*** the garden was like a jungle, a canopy of stinging nettle green. Actually it made me feel safe having wild weeds all around the house. It was like no one could enter but me. But my mother whined about it all, who also doesn't really fit in, she is a better actor than me, she can pull those faces where she fits into society just barely, but like me, she has no real connections. They pretend to be friends, its like you get invited to a party but it don't matter if you dont turn up. No one will really bat an eyelid or worry or cry. I am left with this same predicament. Though all the fake ones who live in their clicky bubbles get all the respect, the sticklebacks. The ones who suck up the managers at work and get a pay rise of time off, the total arse crawling rats who cannot sit still .The sheep, no how the f*** can i live with the sheep when im a lion. I dont know why the rats and sheep and mice bother such a lion. Yet i feel like i am breaking down, like i need meds or something. Half of these c***wombles are on meds anyway to fit in, to be happy. Now my face is like a broken record that wonders the streets, hidden behind shades a baseball cap, some extra blubber and now a black shemagh which makes me look like a bank robber. I couldnt get anymore anti social or scarier, or weirder, and im gonna put my foot down, f*** it, why not be weird and different from the f***lings of society. I need to do away with pleasantries, and be the girl with the dragon tattoo. I am the black sheep, so trying to be the white one is never going to work, no matter how i try. I need to be me and i just dont care no more. I feel better now, i came to this realisation this epiphany and i am glad, im now happy, the f*** it all s*** has left me. The anger has gone, if you cannot handle me its your problem, i dont care anymore. I can only be me, and now i smile. For i am me and i dont care anymore. Id rather you ignore me, stay away from me, dont even look at me, dont give me any eye contact whatsoever. Even if my body language and eyes dont make you walk away my negative energy will. And i am glad, i accept it, avoid me, talk about me, walk away from me, i dont even care anymore. For i am at peace to be different to be weird to be an outsider to be the loner with no one. I am strong enough to take it. Ive had a life's practise at it.

3 thoughts on “Give up trying to fit in.

  1. Anonymous says:

    So what do you expect in all your rants?

    Move to a different state/county and it will be any different?
    Perhaps fantasy land?

    No matte where you go, who you try to be, who you try to change, it will be the same futile rants.
    Hang in there but get use to it and live your own life.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Get used to what ? the s*** lol..
    sure ok thanks.. i can only live my own life i guess, forget the rest of them

  3. Blindenvy says:

    I know you ended the post by saying you would rather be alone, but something about you investing energy into writing suggest maybe you don’t. People try to make life about fitting in, or playing your part as the cog in the machine. I hate the idea too, I guess like your mother I’m good at the mask. but at some point I think I realized something, the only reason I ever felt angry or alienated was that I cared about how others saw me, when I stopped things came to me. People who don’t fit in tend to have magnetic personalities when they stop attempting to alter it to feel normal. Also, love the insults I can almost read it with the exact tone and accent you probably would have said it in.

Leave a Reply

Name and Mail are optional. Your email address is however required if you want to subscribe to the comments (see below)

This site uses User Verification plugin to reduce spam. See how your comment data is processed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.