Posted by Anonymous on 2019/12/21 under Life I told him I would break his heart when I first started dating him. I found him so attractive but I probably never caught his eye in the halls of high school many, many, years ago now. His type was brown hair, fake tan, the type of girl that puts on a full face of makeup everyday. That wasn't me at all. I was freckle faced with light hair and skin that burns if out in the sun for longer than an hour any time between 12-3 pm. I fell so fast head over heels in love. Once I was laying so close to him in bed when I slightly woke it felt like we were one. His back arched from being so tall and from slouching his lumbar region had a small curve and in this curve my round ass fit perfectly. Where my lower back slowly went in then back out making my pear shape. My body fit ever so snug in his. I knew at that moment there would probably never be another man that had me the way he did. Even now 20 years later married with two kids it's true. And just like most Tim Burton movies for a short time he was my dark love story. It all went sour when his mom guilted me into moving with him to a big city. I had to live with him in high school because I lived in a physically abusive household. Which oddly happened a lot to me growing up . His mom came to me and said that he won't go to college if I don't go with him. It was a big deal seeing how he was the first to go to college in his family. A southern boy with a strong motherly influence in his life his school of choice was art school. He would have been very successful because of how talented he is. I am sure he blames me for him dropping out and for not going back. I betrayed him and to this day I can't seem to forgive myself for what I did. Not a day passes by that I don't think of him. Which gets worse when I drink so I don't drink much. He on the other hand can't stand me. He would never give me the time to hear my drunk apologies and can't stand to be in the same building as me. If he sees me he runs out and away. Half the time I don't even know he is there until I feel someone looking then look in his direction. Which at that point he is on his way out. I can understand if he never forgives me but as much as I loved and still hold a love for him why can't we just coexist. I came to the conclusion that he most likely never loved me the way that I loved him. I was never his type he was always trying to change me in some way. Like when he wanted me to dye my hair dark. Maybe deep down I knew that he never loved me so that's why I hurt him before he could ever rip my f***ing heart out. It's odd to feel guilty and in the end get the broken heart. Maybe I'm a coward or just a selfish little girl deep inside. I never got the closure that I needed and I can't say that he owes me it. It's probably selfish at this point to even try to make contact or even mention closure. The actions that I made when I was 18 forever effected me mentally and socially. Socially because I live in a small town and because he needed his grudge (new person I am responsible for making) he went around telling many people about what I did to him. Where they had the pleasure of calling me a slut and hore randomly in public. There was also this time I made friends with a new girl in town she ended up also friending a girl that knew him. She became friends with his ex's (ex's=the rebound after me) best friend. Anyhow, I will always be the bad guy in his story and it will always haunt me in mine.