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Posted by on 2019/06/08 under Life

Let the wind and rain ravage me as i lay in a muddy ditch in the middle of nowhere. Let them demolish me eradicate me to my rotten core.
Bundle me into a landfill for i am a toxic piece of trash. Im a buffoon, a total catastrophe of a man. Im a crazy joke. My life is a tragedy i have been protected by my mother, sheltered from the world. A remarkable woman though dominant and stubborn as a bull. I think she hid the fact i was a total loser a bumbling fool. I hide my anger about how i have never lived. Im a pissed off pompous disgusting savage perverse pest. If life punishes me i deserve it. Im a liar a dishonest coward. Im a spoilt blathering child who has had their own way too much. It would be so mind-blowing if i grew up into a real man. A man with a backbone brave and full of spirit. I am just a c***y curse the dregs of society. I am a sewer system that still roams the places i did as a child. Friends thrived, they have their families. They dont even recognise this revolting slob of loathsomeness. Though in my memory we were all once the same, hanging out playing computer games and kicking balls around. Climbing trees and going on epic journeys. Now i prefer to stay hidden in forgotten time zones. I have no idea when this disastrous embarrassment will ever change. Im waiting waiting waiting, nothing changes. Losers wait for things to happen, winners make things happen. I know it all, im the god damned expert YOU F***ING HEAR ME! i will Smuggle myself to a new town. I am banned here.
I banned myself. I wear a veil im all hush-hush. Im just a f***ing GOD DAMNED JOKE. Im obese my sex is restricted im all sealed up. I spent so much time in my mothers shadow i hear her internal voice when i speak in public sometimes. I am lurking in the shadows loitering with no place to go no life, ignoring social cues in fact demolishing them on purpose. Launching an assault on all of it. The bitterness of it all my life my failures my loathing. I plummet to my knees and dirty the grass with my soiled fingers. Speak to me with caution, dont look into my shamed eyes. I will stare you out like a psycho. I will stare into your right eye and look for hints of creativity. I will look away because ive stared too much. I will hide again underground. I will be veiled again. I will go away again and lick my wounds. I will delight in my own agony. I will twist my pain into pleasure. I will be the biggest hoax. I am the black market. I am blacklisted. I am the bootleg. Im classified information.

One thought on “A man of mystery.

  1. Anonymous says:

    I`m a bomb that never detonates i`m a firework that never goes off, a bird that`s never flown, i am an old persons false teeth. I`m the abandoned building full of damp and mold. I`m the biggest bore or the most exciting person in the room. I speak too much or not at all.

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