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Posted by on 2019/01/03 under Family

I remember the night of my older sister's 18th birthday, when we left home. We were both shaking, afraid to get caught by mother. But we weren't.

When we made it to our small apartment in another town, we cheered.

"No more being used and manipulated by the wicked witch!"

Oh. how wrong we were.

A few weeks a letter showed up.

From mother.

She knew where we were. And, you know what else? She had bought us a house.

"No, Terri. We can't go to that house." Melissa had told me.

And yet we did. We moved into the house.

We've been living in the house for 22 years. 22 years.

All the pain mother had caused us. Everything she had ever done to us…and yet here we are.

I dyed my hair black…just like her hair was. I started wearing the clothes she wore.

And Melissa? She picked up mother's smoking habit. Same brand of cigarettes. Same color lighter.

Mother had once told us that we would always be under her control.

And she was right.

One thought on “She Won

  1. Anonymous says:

    Anonymous, I understand that you’re going through a very difficult situation here. And that, yeah, things definitely seem pretty grim with the way it all looks right now.

    I get that.

    But I want you to know something, okay?
    You don’t have to understand it.
    You don’t have to believe it.
    But you need to hear it:
    Everything will be okay.
    Everything about you is you.

    Your mother sounds like a controlling, abusive person that has been in control of your life for a very long time. Something that you need to know, though, it that this isn’t the end. You still have many years- Hell, decades of a life ahead of you. You have many years behind you. You aren’t static, you’re dynamic.
    You aren’t your mother.
    You’re you. That’s who you’ll always be.

    Of course there are some things about you that are similar to your mother- You have her genes. You were raised by her. A small piece of her is in you- It’s always been. But it isn’t just her. It’s your sister. It’s your father. Every single person that you’ve ever seen, touched, or spoken to.
    But you know what?
    I think there’s one piece in you
    That isn’t your mother,
    Nor your sister,
    Nor anyone else.
    A tiny, central piece that can never be broken or touched.
    And that’s you.
    And that’s special.

    What I’m trying to say here, Anon, is that no. She doesn’t control you. She never has, nor will she ever. Whoever you are? Yeah, that’s who controls you. You dying your hair? Feeling like you belong to your mother? That isn’t just you. It’s the result of many, many years of knowing her and being with her.
    Anon, you need to see somebody. A therapist. I’m terrible at trying to help or trying to calm people in situations like this. But there are dozens more trained to take care of you in this. In helping you see that you’re more than who you believe you are. Go, Anon. Go and help you. The best defense you have against your mother is yourself. And there are people that can and will help you utilize it.
    (-Kat)

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