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Posted by on 2018/07/25 under Love

I don't know how i feel…

I wrote a couple months back about how I may or may not be in love with my best friend. I love him dearly and sometimes i think i only love him as a friend and some days I feel like he's "the one". After speaking to a friend about it, she laughed and for the first time in my life someone told me that i needed to move on and that it was never going to workout between us. And that honestly helped me move on since he got into a relationship, or at least i thought.

I called my best friend yesterday and he surprised me with a ring he picked out for her. He's going to propose soon and its just all happening so fast. I'm in bit of a shock, i'm going to be visiting them in a few days to meet her and spend time with him. Its just all going to be so different. We'll never have nights alone where we drive around town listening to old songs talking about the mysteries in life. We're never going to have another fake date. We're never going to have movie nights where we just talk through the movie. The hugs won't be the same. The late night conversations won't be the same.

maybe thats it! Maybe i'm not sad or secretly in love with him, maybe i'm just going to miss the way we used to be before he met her.

Stil i asked him during our talk… "I know she's like your new best friend, obviously she'll be your wife! but… what made her diiferent? What made your friendship with her different than ours?" to which he only paused and said, "you know, i was asking myself that very question the other day, and i don't know". i mean i'm glad he didn't say, "cuz she's prettier", but still it felt empty, made me wonder if i just missed my chance to make the first move? Perhaps not, maybe we were never supposed to be together.

i feel as though after he gets married things are going to be very different. I know myself and i know that this "he's the one" thought in the back of my mind has held me back from doing things and maybe in the end that pressure of wanting him but never feeling quite good enough for him will go away?

i just feel… odd. Not bad but not necessarily good. I just keep thinking back to him showing me that ring.

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