Posted by Anonymous on 2017/10/12 under Life Hi. Good morning. I wish for everyone's day to be nice and pleasant. A few things I wanted to share. Although I am not certain if it's a good idea to do so anymore. I feel like there's a constant intelligence that runs together with my surroundings. In some way, this sort of reality makes for complete excite, in another, when I realize and illuminate the past, it freaks me out exactly how it can cause confuse. But with all that said, life is beautiful to experience and I always believe that the transparency factor keeps things that are not wanted from ever cluttering up corners and halls.
But I don't think about it, I think that's the key. I feel like passing through doors and there's this breeze in between windows that create a sort of atmosphere.
Also, I can tell hot from cold, which is good since I burned most of my skin during the purification period and I thought I lost my sense of touch by now.
I want to say that at least with the way my body works, I have control over it. Because I reside in it. So I don't like to attribute my "accidents" and say oh yea, it's due to this accident or that accident. While I understand that I may not have control over my leg for instance (because half of it is amputated and then there's also serious nerve damage that creates this pressure all the way up my middle back), I still can make do with what's left of it.
It took me a long time to figure this out though and I think that I am still figuring out how this works at all but I realized that some common talks don't apply to me anymore.
For one, I never call myself an amputee. Because there's phantom limb syndrome and it's very real.
I don't walk like an amputee. Part of this is because I have the prosthetic for what's missing but somehow, I am able to mimic and run marathons with it. It's a good support system, but also because I have good support system. I have few friends I can trust my life with and family that never gave up on me, saw me at my worst (my initial time of shock, loss and trauma after) and still stayed with me, held my hand and never judged me.
I can understand how this may be difficult for some who may not have the trust system. In some way, finding a circle you can wholly trust yourself with is key to recovery. This, I learned from psychology 101. Yes, drugs and all the self help books will help you "along the way" but it's an actual human being and his/her presence that completed it for me.
It gives you hope too. Because my accident was a direct result of some idiot that was human. So in some way, it nearly caused me to lose hope for humanity. Because of the way it affected not only my life, but the way it highlighted sorrows of the entire planet. Trust me, trauma is always attached to more than just yourself.
Think about it, when you are happy and joyful, then you are joyful together with the world that's focused on joy. It's like that guy from the movie PI, where whatever he focuses his attention on, he was suddenly picking it from nature with no effort.
Same with trauma and pain, suddenly we feel like we are shouldering the world, it's because we are.