Posted by Anonymous on 2017/10/07 under Life Dearest Let's call you Obi 1, It all started with how I felt for you. But I think you thought I was someone you admire or you mistook me for someone because we have similarities with regards to our beliefs, views in life, hobbies/ interest. I really don't know. Only the universe know. –Naruto (I do have Kurama, It's either I'll fight with my demon or befriend my demon) P.S. I still don't know of your gender but I know what is mine, I'm a straight girl (girl because I still haven't develop into a full grown woman but I'm on my way)
I've told you already what I've felt but I don't think you believe it because at that time of my confession, I did ran away (mainly because it was my first time to feel that way, and also it was my first time to confess.) I'm sorry for being not so mature when dealing with my emotions. My heart and mind are still battling. I want them to work harmoniously though.
Did you know how I felt at that time I've known you? My heart did sing halleluiah! My stomach did turn somersault. My brain can't stop thinking of you that it disturbs my sleeping pattern. Endorphins were awaken. Euphoria strikes.
I'm sorry for leaving you when you need me I said I will go to another planet but I didn't, I did felt guilty and stayed. I did search for you in the crowd but I stumble upon 3 people (actually 4) but the other 1, I met the person first before meeting you. Let's call the person "mentor". Let's exclude my mentor, I know mentor is not you. I think so. Let's start with person 1 (let's call the person "lovely"). That person was lovely and also talented. I ask the person if the person was you and the person said no. So I did continue to search for you, the next person, person 2, let's call the person "romantic". That person is so romantic. Their words will make their lover's heart melt. I did confront the person but then again the person said no. Lastly person 3, let's called the person "goofy". Obviously, from the word itself goofy, the person can make me laugh. I did imagine if I have a denture. It will drop from laughing too much. Hahahaha eh me ged! Hahahaha I did ask goofy if goofy was you, still the person said no. I did describe to goofy the situation in the best way possible. I'm sorry. I'm comfortable talking to Goofy like the person is my long lost friend/ brother. Goofy and I did stop talking because I felt like someone has been listening to our conversation. I feel like the person has been criticizing us that forces me to cease contact.
I feel like Alex Parrish of Quantico for wanting to prove something but then I also feel like Tulip of The Stork because everytime I try to explain the situation I feel like it backfires.
I don't know who are you among the people I meet, are you lovely? Romantic or goofy? I don't know where to find you. I just want to say sorry. I hope you've forgiven me. I'm still scared of love maybe because of these reasons (note: I'm not saying you love me, what I'm saying is that those feelings I've felt where associated with Love, I don't know):
•I still haven't entered romantic relationship.
•I want a relationship that would last long. I mean I want to have stable job first and also I want to be prepared mentally, spiritually, emotionally when entering love arena wherein whenever me and my partner encounter difficulties with our relationship, I together with the person can handle it.
•I overthink.
•Still many things to add in the list but I should stop there because it's long already.
Whenever a potential suitor approach me, I get scared and uncomfortable. I don't know if I will conquer it.
Sometimes, I just want to approach people and say can you teach me how to love? Can you help me conquer it? I'm akward in the way. Gesh! But then I don't want to use people. And also Love triggers my anxiety. I don't know. *sigh*. I want to say sorry from the bottom of my fragile-protected-by-walls-with-thorns-heart. *sigh* And also thank you for your existence. I hope you are now happy and healed. I hope you'll get back to spreading Love.