Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2017/10/06 under Family

So I just discovered that my dad's cheating on my mom and I have no f***ing idea what to do. I don't even feel like his kid anymore. Tbh there's been plenty of signs all these years and the whole family(including mom) simply ignored it and waved it off and now I have actual concrete proof and I don't know what to do.>_<
My dad is one of the best dads in the world- he's caring and kind most of the time. He did beat me recently but I threatened to call the police and it hasn't happened again. Anyway he's paying for my education and everything so I can't leave him either.
He and mom met when around 16 years old and they're currently 50. To the outside world, it's a blissful enviable marriage where they both love each other completely. But from what I can see, my mom's slowly become indifferent to him. And rumours of my dad cheating have been around since I was in 2nd grade (like since 2004), I remember my mom mentioning it to me later in 2011 and I just ignored it cos I was a kid and I had no idea how to respond to that s***. I believe my dad's had multiple affairs over the years and now it looks like he's having another one. Looking back, I remember he used to stare intently when he saw a pretty girl (one of our previous house maids, our most recent vet), it was obvious enough that even I saw it and eventually asked him whether he liked them and he just laughed it off, I remember the words sticking in my throat when I tried to ask him if he thought they were prettier than mom (I held back, I was 12 back then and I didn't wanna know the answer). Recently, he accidentally sent me a text meant for a lover, I deleted it immediately simply because I didn't wanna see the proof right in front of my eyes. I feel like if I eventually marry, that guy's gonna be a cheater and I'll have to suffer in silence and bear the pain like my mom does, so this s***'s gonna affect all my personal relationships as well.
I feel pretty f***ed up,like I don't feel like I want to be his daughter anymore. I look at my mom and think about why she can't leave him after all these years, he still acts very loving towards her so I guess she turns a blind eye on his affairs for our sake. I feel betrayed and it feels like I'm never gonna trust a guy again. Like if my awesome dad turned out to be a cheater, what's gonna stop some other guy from cheating on me eventually? I don't think I'm gonna tell my mom what I found, we might as well keep up the pretense of a happy family but this killed me inside. I don't think I should tell my younger brother either.. he doesn't need to feel this s***. I no longer believe or trust in the idea of a happy marriage, and I feel like I shouldn't even hope for such a thing in my own life.
The worst part is I can't even tell anyone or look for help. My friends believe I have a perfect family and I can't break that image. I feel numb inside. If anyone has advice or some idea of what to do.. help.

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