Posted by Anonymous on 2017/08/25 under Life i cant handle my own life. i have single handed-ly ruined it. i have no one left. i keep pushing people away trying to protect them and i only end up alone. i cant stop crying all the time and then i shut everyone out. they shouldnt have to deal with that. they probably think i want attention because i cry so much and i cant handle the thought of losing anyone else and i keep trying to protect them and my relationships with them but i only make it worse. so then i give up and i want to die. i cut and they get mad at me, as they should. they have every right to be mad at me. its my fault my life is s*** and i have no right to be upset about it. and then i just repeat. i keep trying meds but i hate meds because i cant even make it through the first week of intensified symptoms before i give up because my emotions are already too much for me… i just want to make everyone happy and be what they need and want me to be and i cant f***ing do it. i just cry because im not good enough and then they notice and feel bad so i just shut them out all over again then i get upset because i feel alone. i dont deserve to be happy, and because i feel that way i never will be. i contemplate suicide but i dont want to hurt anyone who thinks theres value in my pathetic life. everyone i have ever trusted has left or betrayed me anyway. so why cant i just wait it out until they all leave try not to find comfort in others so they dont get attached and then just end it. i hate myself for needing affection and comfort from others. i cant handle my own head then i talk about it and i just hate myself for putting that on others. its a vicious cycle and i cant stop it. i just want it to end.
2 thoughts on “i hate myself”
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Hi buddy, I stumbled upon your feelings after I wrote mines. I realized we both decided to search somewhere online to try to find a way to get rid of these feeling by putting them on a site where somebody can read it and maybe reply back. Also that we decided this on the same day. I know you probably heard it all or seen it all. How somebody always writes it gets better, this is just temporary, you’ll see. You just want those feelings and thoughts to go away. Now I’m not telling you what you should do or what I think is best to do at this moment. Because then again, I’m just a person who wanted to write my feeling out just like you. I have no expert advice or any of that source. I’m just being a person who read and listened and I’m not thinking too hard on replying. If you want to respond back, I’m still gonna be myself and listen.
I have the same problem. I keep pushing people away. This time I got this person upset at me. Try writing your feelings out or talking to a person you trust.