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What Is Wrong With Me?

Posted by on 2015/04/08 under Uncategorized

I think I have depression, but I don’t know what to do. I need help. I feel like I can deal with it on my own, but I know that’s not true… For the past six months I’ve been feeling worse than I was before. The symptoms of depression match up – feelings of hopelessness, feeling worthless, weight gain, headaches, feeling alone and isolated, feeling unloved, being irritable, etc. I told my parents, but I didn’t tell them just how bad it’s gotten. They’re not doing anything about it yet, except trying to get me to socialize more.

Two months ago I started having suicidal thoughts… I’m not in any immediate danger of taking my own life, I’ve just thought extensively about how I would do it, what I would write in my note, what song I’d listen to as I died.

I haven’t been through any traumatic events, my family loves me, I’m not starving, I don’t self-harm, no one bullies me. I just have very, very few friends. I feel unwanted by the general public. If my life is so relatively easy, why do I feel so crappy about everything? The symptoms I listed sometimes go away for a few days, then come back. I feel like I don’t deserve to get help and get diagnosed as depressed. (If they diagnose me as depressed…) My problems seem so overwhelming and so insignificant and unjustified at the same time.

I know something’s wrong, I just don’t know what. Maybe I’m depressed, or maybe I’m just a spoiled fortunate girl being dramatic.

Someone please help me.

4 thoughts on “What Is Wrong With Me?

  1. Kgurl1177 says:

    I can’t be of much help here. I don’t know what the best thing to do here is either. I do understand what you’re going through, though, because I as well have this…depression (or not?) problem. It comes and goes.
    I don’t know about you but maybe talking to someone can help, someone that you really trust will help you or at least try. You see, my problem is that I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I am constantly in a big group of people that enjoy my company, love me (I think…) and I love them. But I just don’t feel like my burdens are worth putting on them. I feel like my problems aren’t important enough to be dealt with.
    Know that you are not alone in this.
    All that being said…I feel horrible because I don’t know what I should tell you that could get you out of this mess of yours…
    It plagues me to know that you have these problems and that I can’t help you, dammit, it makes me want to beat myself up! But I guess I could offer some advice that you probably know of already: do NOT keep these feelings to yourself. Don’t keep it in. Let it out, tell someone, write down positive things in your life that can persuade you to not commit suicide and that will maybe even stop suicidal thoughts. Maybe even go see one of those doctors that could help you, diagnose you with whatever it is and eventually help you through this.
    This all might not be of much help but hey, I’ll try anything to help someone like you.

    I hope it all works out alright 🙂

    1. Author says:

      This helped a lot, actually. Thank you! I don’t know you, but we’re in this together. I hope it gets better.

  2. anonymous female says:

    Start thinking positive!!! You seem smart because you seem to understand why those thoughts are coming to you.. Believe me it’s the depression.. Get Help and some advice from family, psychotherapist.. You will feel better. Life will get another meaning. Take care 🙂 🙂

  3. Sandy says:

    I find it’s easier to give helpful information then to apply it to yourself.
    I think I’m a very understanding person because I’ve been where you don’t want to be.
    And I still go there from time to time.
    Depression in all it’s forms does not discriminate.
    I am older than most here I’m sure, and think about suicide three times a week at least.
    I just want to peacefully close my eyes and never open them again – I’m a chicken, I don’t want it to hurt.
    My life has had so much pain already, I don’t want to go out with any more than necessary.
    People that did know me thought I was okay, even though of me as intelligent, a happy person.
    I hide it well because if I slip-up and show my “real Self” I can see people change. They don’t mean to, it’s just that they don’t know what to say or do with the information that I feel so hopeless.
    They usually distance themselves leaving me totally alone Sometimes I have no human contact for weeks at a time other than television.
    I have no friends, but have always been a friend to everyone I’ve met.
    This is not how my life always was,I used to be like everyone else. But after many times of getting hurt- something changed deep inside and now I’m afraid of being hurt again.
    I find myself asking why someone is treating me kindly, instead of accepting it.
    It’s a sad way to live.
    I love & miss people, but find most are only concerned with their own agenda.
    I feel the pain in these posts, we should not have to endure this for years.
    I believe in God, I don’t understand why I’m being held here if there is no happiness ahead.

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