I’m venting here. This is okay. I need to let myself know that… Its all going to be okay. Alright: I’ve been hurting myself. Not that I want to kill myself, I love being alive, but, well I don’t really get why. I cut myself with my fingernails. I just push them into my skin until I start bleeding. I threw myself onto the ground and tried to break my arm. I have anxiety attacks all the time too. I’ll start hyperventilating and then I’ll start having an asthma attack and I wont get my inhaler, so I’ll sit there for an hour because I don’t have the will enough to make myself better. I’ve talked to my mom, I never tell her any of this specifically, just that I feel like I need help, and she says that I don’t need a therapist. “Therapists are for crazy people, you’re not crazy”. So I feel like I’m never going to get better. I feel broken.
Therapists are not for crazy people. Depression and anxiety meds are not for crazy people. Asking for help is not for crazy people.
All of those things are for me, for you, for so many of my friends who appear totally normal when you talk to them – they are lovely, wonderful people, full of so much love. They seem so perfect and happy on the outside – and then you see their arms, their wrists… absolutely covered in scars.
They are not crazy. They are not mentally “wrong” or messed up in the head. They’re just perfect. The only difference is, they’ve been through things which have caused them to need more help than some people.
Your mom is completely wrong to say that to you. If you feel you need a therapist, then you do. It’s so, so great that you actually want to see a therapist – please don’t forget that feeling; so many people refuse to get help, and that can only make things worse.
Do you have a therapist or counsellor at school/college? Could you go see them? Or at the very least, is there someone else you can talk to? You may be surprised just how many people understand and are willing to listen.
If nothing else, I am here – you can post your email address as a comment here (I’ll see it; I’ve subscribed) and I’ll email you and you can feel free to vent as much as you like.
Kind regards,
<3
I can’t believe someone wrote back to me. Thank you so much. I actually talked to my mom more after I wrote this and she seems a little more open to helping me, or getting me help. I kinda exploded when she told me that therapists are for crazy people, and I think she’s softened on it a bit. I found a friend to talk to who, surprisingly, seems to feel the same way that I do about a lot of things. I told her about the anxiety attacks I was having, and she told me she used to have them all the time and learned ways to help deal with them. I think that with her and my mom’s help, I might be able to stop feeling the may I feel, and stop wanting to hurt myself. Thank you again for the comment, it really does mean a lot, and it helps to know that I’m not alone 🙂
I can’t believe someone wrote back to me. Thank you so much. I actually talked to my mom more after I wrote this and she seems a little more open to helping me, or getting me help. I kinda exploded when she told me that therapists are for crazy people, and I think she’s softened on it a bit. I found a friend to talk to who, surprisingly, seems to feel the same way that I do about a lot of things. I told her about the anxiety attacks I’ve been having, and she told me she used to have them all the time and learned ways to help deal with them. I think that with her and my mom’s help, I might be able to stop feeling the may I feel, and stop wanting to hurt myself. I want to feel sane again, and maybe I can. Thank you again for the comment, it really does mean a lot, and it helps to know that I’m not alone 🙂
That is so wonderful to hear, and such a comfort in a time when so many others are struggling to even get to where you are. You’re in a great place right now, and it makes me so happy to hear that you’ve found someone to talk to about it all, and you’re able to tell your mom about these things. You give me hope for us all. Thank you. 🙂