Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2011/10/29 under Friends

Yesterday my bestfriend pushed me away, he told me to hate him, to leave him, to stop caring about him. He said he didn’t want me to be his friend anymore, this all killed me. Before anything, we met and something about him made me want to figure him out, he’s always been a complicated child, very confusing, mysterious, yet so intriguing, and interesting. With time I fell for him, his immature personality, but I loved the way he could act so serious and mature when something was important. When he held me, everything felt safe. I know you may have read this a billion times before, but at the moment nothing else mattered and it was just him and I. The way he held me in his arms, the way he held my hand and how he’d hold me so close, as if he never wanted to let go. The way his lips felt against mine, I still feel the tingling sensation in my stomach, butterfly’s basically invaded my stomach every time he got close to me. Our first kiss, was practical, it’s happened before but, the way he was, the things he said make it so unique. His smile is basically what kept me happy everyday, and even if i wasn’t with him. He’d be texting me 24/7 always always on the phone. We’d always stay up for hours, and fall asleep with each other on the phone, his good morning texts made my day. The sweet things he’d say, just to make me smile. The way we played around, and how everything to us was funny and cute. The way he made me feel to comfortable being myself. It was just us against the world. Can you believe this all happened in 2 weeks? I can’t for sure say if I fell in love with him, because I’ve never been in love before but I do know for a fact he was a very big part of my life, and I did care about him a lot. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much when he left, he broke up with me. Things weren’t going great, people talking bad, saying things, they got to us which I know look back and I regret listening. People can be so cruel, if I was happy with him why couldn’t you just let me be? No, you just had to ruin me. He told me then he didn’t want to be friends, that i’d be to hard for us both. I gave up, i said ok, that was also a mistake. We didn’t talk for a couple of days before he came back, with this: “Babe, please forgive me.” And I forgave him. We didn’t get back together though, things changed once he went to highschool, I still had a year left in my middle school, but he came back, he always came back, even if we didn’t talk for weeks, maybe months, we still kissed the same, hugged the same, talked the same. It stopped, me and him stopped talking for a while. He got a girlfriend, she’s beautiful and so sweet. He introduced us, obviously by now my feelings for him had changed. I had sat myself down and talked it through, I was finally over him, which believe it or not was such a great feeling of relief. Things changed, from time to time it came up to be 6 months since we’d talked until this one day. We hung out, and well It’s amazing to say, that nothing had changed me and him were still as close as ever. It felt back like when we had just met, I loved it. and I think that’s why I’m so careful about our friend now. We got closer than ever, close enough that he’d say I’m the only one who knew him, understood him, the only one who he trusted, the one that made him feel less alone is this world. That made me so happy knowing I may not have him all to myself, but at least I hadn’t lost him completely. He thanked me for being the best friend he’s never had. Things happened, things became complicated and things happened. I don’t want to get into any more details, i’ll start crying again.

But well, yesterday he ended things. We’ve fought before but this time it feels so different, Yeah I’ve said this a million times before and we always fix things. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I miss him, and it’s only been a couple of hours. But me just knowing he’s there, makes my life some what complete. I hope he forgives me, because no matter what I’ll always forgive him, because he’s my bestfriend and I love him.

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