Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2014/01/22 under Uncategorized

im not sure what i want. I had a boyfriend in high school that i dated for 3 years and broke it off with him.i think i wanted something different or more. 6 months later while off to college we got back together. there was a lot of drama before that that should have made me never wana be with him again but i did. a year later i broke up with him again. i was always getting mad and i think i got bored or something. Shortly after i started dating the second guy i ever told that i loved. he was 11 years older than me but we got along well. he wasn’t some creepy dude that wanted a yougner gf. he really loved me. but very insecure. i was annoyed that he was his age and he still lived in the hometown we both grew up in because that was the last place i wanted to be (and he lived with roommates and hes 31) but most of all i got annoyed that whenever he drank he drank a lot. Im not a big partier so it annoyed me that he was still acting like he was 21. he was a really great boyfriend tho. i broke it off after a year. the first boyfriend has never stopped wanting to be with me. hes never stopped trying to get me back. and thinks he will love nobody else. i guess i beelieve him but i can’t trust him and im afraid. also im not sure if the physically relationship would be there. its been so long. the older ex also had a mini breakdown and wanted me back. im sure i shouldn’t be with him but i could see myself marrying him. but i could also see myself with my first ex because he knows me better than anyone and i have never felt the way i did about him with anyone else. Then recently i started dating a guy who was completely sober for 2 years because he had a past drug problem. i loved that about him that he was able to do things sober and be mentor to others. he was really busy all the time though with the sober community which i felt left me out some. i got mad at him a lot because he talked to his ex who he said there was nothing to worry about but i had trust issues from my first boyfriend. that relationship ended obivously because of me. im not sure if i wanted him back because he wasn’t like my past two exes who begged for me back or because i really liked him that much. probably both. so all that being said i dont know what to do. i feel almost as if i leave the men who want me the most because im bored and i want more. this is like the longest ive been single in a while. im usually right into another realtionship. i like it and i dont. i like having the option to be with anyone i want but i also miss having someone and have 2 men willing to do whatever it takes to be with me.
i put my guard up a lot in realtionship to where i get mad at small things and maybe leave before someone can hurt me.

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